If you're like me, or like most parents out there, you might be concerned about not just how much TV your kids are watching, but what they are watching as well. When I was a kid, the issue seemed to mostly be about how much time I spent in front of the old box. My mother would always say something like, "When I was your age, we would never spend that much time in front of the television." And of course they wouldn't. TV got a lot better when I was a kid compared to when my mom was a kid, and it improved in quality and quantity. There was a lot more of it, and it was better. All of these great super hero movies and geeky stuff, it all started back when I was a kid as a cartoon show on Saturday Mornings. And it was glorious. So I remember thinking, why would she have spent more time watching TV? It sucked back then.
Now that I am a parent, I have begun to worry about the same thing. My kids seem to want to spend way more time in front of some moving pictures than playing outside, ever. And, just like the jump in quantity from my parents growing up to me growing up, my kids have way more variety to choose from, and with different media like NetFlix and YouTube, it is an almost endless amount of stuff they can watch. So how do I keep up? How do I make sure what they are watching is OK, and it's not too much of it? I have been thinking about this, and I have some ideas, so I thought I would share them here.
1. Is it Appropriate?
This is a question that every family must answer for themselves. I may have a totally different idea of what is appropriate for my kids than what you think is appropriate for yours. You may think I am too strict or not strict enough, but that's not really the point. The point is that you have to decide what is and what isn't appropriate, and then you have to decide if the show they are watching fits into that mold or not. For example, most parents might agree that TV-MA rated shows, almost as a blanket statement, are not appropriate for their children, but it becomes more complicated with TV-14, or TV-PG. The ratings system is a helpful guide, but the people who do the ratings are not raising your children, you are. And there are varying degrees of what fits into each rating, so you have to know what the show is really all about. That means, from time to time, you might want to sit down and watch an episode or two with your kids. You might be surprised to find what passes mustard these days.
An example from our lives: Jak was really into a particular YouTube channel that was all about Skylanders. The "episodes" basically followed a family that was way into Skylanders as they played the games, went to the store to hunt for the figures and do a bunch of other silly stuff with Skylanders. We watched a few of the episodes. It was supposed to be family friendly viewing, and some ways it was. They didn't curse or show anything "inappropriate," but we had an issue. The dad in the show would call his kids names and losers when he would beat them in a challenge. He was joking, but what Jak was learning was that it was OK to talk to other family members that way, like his mom. We decided that the Skylander channel had to go, and it was deemed inappropriate. For us. But we would not have known that if we had not sat down and suffered (I mean really suffered) through a couple of episodes.
2. Is it Worth their Time?
This is where the quality of what they are watching comes into question. Some of the stuff they watch is not inappropriate, it's just plain stupid. There is no value in it, and it is simply a waste of their time. I am not talking about something that I just don't get as an old person, but it is just nonsense. This happens a lot on NetFlix, when they find some show that never made it big on TV, and they start watching it, and you realize why it never made it. A lot of times, the shows look like someone's final school project in art school. And you wonder if they got an F. The only way to find out if this is the case for what your kids are watching is again, to sit down with them and watch it with them. Sometimes it is painful to do (see my example above), but then you know.
If it is not worth their time, I try to steer them toward something that is. This is often easier said than done. Kids get very attached to their shows very quickly. Before you know it, they are obsessed with a new show, and it is awful. Once they are obsessed, sometimes you have to just ride it out. Sometimes, though, you can distract them with something else. The real point here, is, again, you need to know what they are watching and be aware of it.
3. Set Limits
Set time limits and day limits , and stick to them. We try to limit our kids to just a couple hours a day in front of the "TV" (this includes the Computer, the iPads or iPhones, anything they could use to watch some videos). Sometimes this is hard, not just because they want to watch stuff, but because sometimes it is easier for us to just let them sit and watch stuff. Don't judge us, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. They stay out of the way and are quieter if they are sitting and watching something. That makes it tempting to just forget about the limits, but you can't. Don't do it. This is me talking to me, just so we're clear.
One limit we have set is Sunday means no iPad or Computer. If we as a family decide to sit down and watch something, that's fine, but we want to have one day a week where we don't have 5 different shows going on at once. It's important to us to have that day, so we set that limit. The first week we tried to have that limit, it went over really well. Actually, there was a lot of crying and dramatics. You would have thought that we just canceled Christmas. My first instinct was to just give in, and let them have the iPads back, but I resisted, and realized the massive temper tantrum we were witnessing only reinforced our idea that we need this day as a break. It has gotten better since than, and now they don't even ask for the iPads or computer. As much, anyway.
4. Don't Assume
Don't assume anything about TV or rules of TV or anything like that. They are constantly changing. When I was younger, I don't think the same stuff was allowed on TV that is allowed today. Networks and studios are constantly trying to push the limits, trying to get away with more. Why? Because shows that push the envelope, that create controversy get really high ratings. People are drawn to it, so networks try to keep it up. When the rating system first came out, it seemed like the TV-MA ratings were confined mostly to the premium channels like HBO or Showtime, and then it was mostly late at night, when the kids were in bed. Don't assume that this is still the case. Don't assume that because it is on basic cable, it won't be that bad, or that it's safe because it is on one of the major networks. All those rules are out the window now. You can't assume anything about TV.
You also can't assume that any filters or parental blocks that you have set up on your Internet browser, or your computer or a website, that they will block and filter everything. Stuff always gets through. We have strict filtering set up on our google search as well as restrictions on our computer's browser and on our router, but stuff still gets through. You just can't assume that anything out there, any software, any program, and group that comes up with standards and ratings, anything out there will take your place as the parent. You have to be aware of what the kids are watching, and you have to be in control. It is so easy to just hope everything you have in place will work, and then walk away. Again, this is me talking to me again, even though I used "you." I need to listen to this as well. Being a parent is not easy, and if it is, you're doing it wrong. That doesn't mean it's not worth it. Just like most things in life that are worth it, parenting is hard. Hard and worth it. You have to sacrifice and constantly work at it. You don't get days or nights off.
That last part started getting pretty heavy. I'm sorry. I try to make this blog fun and funny, and that last little bit wasn't either, but this is something that I worry about constantly with my own kids. How do I protect them from so much of what is out there? It keeps me up at night sometimes, and maybe that makes me weird, but these kids are the most important things in my life, and I don't want to screw them up like I screw everything else up.
I guess, to close, the most important thing I have found with media, and with almost anything in my kids' lives, is we just have to be involved and no what is going on. That is probably the most important thing we can do as parents. Just be there.
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