Have you ever had a really dumb idea? I mean, an idea so bad and so dumb that it makes you wonder not just how you thought of it, but how anyone could ever be so dumb that they would come up with the idea? I had one such idea on Saturday. My idea was to give my wife a little break and to take the kids out. I didn't have any specific plan for going somewhere, but I just planned to take the three older kids out while the younger two might take a nap. My wife had the brilliant idea to take the kids to Walmart because we needed a few things. To be fair, she did suggest that I just go by myself, but like I said, I was determined to give her a break. So I talked the kids into getting dressed and going to the store. Of course, I had to tell them that we were going to buy donuts just to get them to go. That meant that I would, in fact, have to buy donuts.
Going to the store with small children is used in many countries as a form of criminal punishment. Taking kids to Walmart is reserved for capital crimes. These punishments would never work here in the United States because we have laws that protect criminals from cruel and unusual punishment. My wife has told me stories of going to the store by herself with the kids, and none of them end well. I have gone with her to the store with all the kids, and it never ends well. I don't know why or how I thought this trip would be any different. If you have never had the pleasure of accompanying multiple small children to the store by yourself, let me break it down for you:
- You get a cart, but forget keeping any of the kids to sit in it. They all want to walk because they are all "Big" kids. You try to get them to sit, but forget it, unless one of them breaks and sits down on their own. Then they all want to sit, but only in the one spot where the first one is sitting.
- The kids move slowly through the store because they get distracted by everything. Every two minutes, you have to stop and wait for the kids to catch up to you because they have seen something shiny, so they had to stop and look. It's like shopping with three Dugs from the movie Up.
- Be prepared to say no a lot. They ask for everything. Stuff that they simply don't need. They have never once said they wanted it before, but when they see it in the store, they "love" it and have to have it. You can try to be one of those perfect, practical parents and explain how money works and how you don't have any, but you are waiting your breath because they know you have one of those magic money cards.
- You will go to the toy section. If the store where you are shopping has a toy section, you will be visiting the toy section. You can try to put up a fight, but eventually you will give in and you will be going to the toy section. It is simply what happens. You will be going up and down every toy aisle.
Maybe this doesn't happen to you when you go to the store with kids. This means you are one of those perfect parents no one likes to be around because you make the rest of us look bad, or you are simply lying to yourself and us. I think the majority of people have experienced the events described above. One thing I had always been proud of was the fact that I had never lost a child in one of these huge box store. I was proud of that, until it happened to me on Saturday.
I have mentioned before that Jak has some interesting quirks. One of those is that sometimes he seems to get lost in his own little world, which can lead to situations like this one. The three kids were looking at all the toys and were expanding their ever growing Christmas list. I stepped away from them for just a minute because we were right next to the toothbrushes, and I needed a new one. I came back to the toys just in time to see my two oldest riding around the bike section on some fancy bikes. I got them to stop, and noticed we were short one child. "Where's Jak?" I asked. The two just looked at me and gave some very helpful shoulder shrugs. Jak had wandered off.
We began searching for Jak in the toy section, but all the aisles were empty. We went back to his last known position, and he was no where in sight. He knew we were getting donuts, so I frantically raced across the store to the donut section (some people call it a bakery, not us), Jak was not there. We went back over to the toy section, and I split up the other two, giving them specific directions on where to look and when to come right back. They were surprisingly obedient for once. They both completed their missions and reported back with no luck. It was time to call it in. I had no idea where he was, and I needed help. I found the nearest employee and told them what was happening, and they directed me to the customer service desk. I let them know what was happening and the woman there leapt into action. She sent out a call to all the managers and then began racing over to each of the exits to tell the employees to block the doors. This was serious business, and I was beginning to panic just a little bit. My first thought was that my wife was going to kill me if I didn't come back with the same number of kids I left with.
If you are a parent and you have ever misplaced a child for any length of time, you know it is the worst feeling. Your head is filled with a lot of thoughts, and none of them are very happy. There is just a giant pit in your stomach and you are just worried sick. On top of that, you realize that obviously, you are not very good at this whole parenting thing. Maybe I should just give it all up.
These were the thoughts in my head as we left the customer service area to tell the greeters to block the exits. And as we left the service area, I saw the most wonderful sight I had ever seen. A woman was walking up to the service are with Jak following behind her. Jak saw me and immediately started running up to me. It was like one of those scenes from a movie where two people see each other across a field and just begin running toward each other. It was like that, except at Walmart. I had been a little angry with my son up to that point, but as I held him in my arms, I realized he was just as scared as I was. It was hard to be anything but relieved and happy at that point. Plus, he didn't need to be yelled at, he needed to comforted.
I had my cart with me, so I put Jak in the cart, and he didn't argue this time. I just couldn't let him walk anymore. I asked him why he had run off like that, and he said, "I didn't run off. I just wasn't paying attention." I asked him where he had gone, and he said "I couldn't see you guys so I was looking for you." He hadn't just run off, he just wasn't paying attention and when he realized he was alone, he did the only thing he could think of, he started looking for us. I was scared while he was gone, but then I thought how he must have felt. Those stores are ginormous for little people like Jak, and it must be terrifying at his age to feel all alone in that store.
Anyway, the point is, well just love your kids. I guess I just wanted to share. They put us through a lot, but usually they don't mean to. It was a scary 20 or so minutes looking for him and not knowing where he was, but since then, I have found myself hugging each of my little ones a little tighter for a little longer.
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