Pee Wee on NetFlix

There are a few shows that really stand out to me from growing up.  One is the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Another was X-Men.  Probably rounding out my top three as standing out the most, shaping my life kind of a thing, would probably be Pee Wee's Playhouse.  For whatever reason,  I loved this show.  I couldn't really tell you why I enjoyed this show, but somehow as an 8 year old kid, it resonated with me.  I know and have heard all about Paul Reubens' issues since the show went off the air, but it never really diminished my love and appreciation for the series.  I used to ride my little red scooter and pretend I was Pee Wee leaving from his playhouse at the end of an episode.

Recently, my kids and I discovered that the series was available to watch on NetFlix (who knows for how long).  I was excited and started out by showing them his Christmas special.  I didn't know if the kids would like it, or if the show would just look really old so they just wouldn't be interested in it.  To my delight, the kids have really enjoyed it.  Who knew?  My oldest boy, Johnny, has been watching it nonstop, which somehow makes me feel pretty good.  Lucy has also enjoyed watching it in spurts. The show probably drives my wife crazy.  It is loud and annoying and just weird, but I can look past all of that and I just see the show I loved as a kid.

It's hard to say what makes the show so appealing to kids.  I think one big thing it has going for it is that the show is completely random.  There is no overarching storyline from one episode to the next, or really any kind of story at all.  It just seems to bounce around from one thing to the next.  The only thing that seems to be consistent throughout an episode is the word of the day, which leads to screaming each time it comes up.  As I think about this, I believe it really is the reason kids love this show.  Think about.  Have you ever had a conversation with a child?  It is totally random and it bounces around from one thing to the next.  That is how kids think, at least it seems like that is how they think.

The show doesn't look overly dated, and I think that is part of the beauty of the show.  Yes, somethings stand out, like Pee Wee's suit and bow tie, or Miss Yvonne's Beehive updo, but those things were dated when the show originally aired, so it doesn't stick out any more than it already did. There isn't a lot in the show that dates it.  Yes the colors are bright, like the 1990's, but kids always love bright colors, so it works.  There isn't a heavy agenda being pushed with learning this thing or that, it was simply entertainment, and the kids love it.  It was fun for me to also join them on that nostalgic journey, and it makes me happy.  It is one of the biggest benefits, I think, of NetFlix. It is rediscovering these old shows and having the opportunity to share them with your kids.

A Special Christmas Moment with Jak

I know it might seem like Jak must be my favorite because he is the only one that has a special feature named after him.  I also know as a parent, I shouldn't have any favorites.  My parents always said that they never had any favorites, that they loved each of us the same.  I knew it was a lie back then, and I believe it even more now.  As a parent, of course I have a favorite child.  It's Lucy.  Hands down, she is my favorite.  It's not even close.  So why is Jak the only one with his own feature?  Jak just seems to be the one with the most wisdom to share right now.  Experiencing the world through Jak's eyes, even for just a moment is a special treat that we experience every day, and I want to share that with all of you.

This particular Jak-ism is a Christmas related experience.  On Monday this week, we decided to go downtown to see the lights at Temple Square.  Let me share a little secret with all of you out there.  IF you are in the Salt Lake area, and you think the Monday before Christmas is a good time to visit Temple Square, you're wrong.  This is apparently the worst time to visit because there are so many people there, making the last ditch effort to visit the lights for Family Home Evening before Christmas.  I mean, really, people, why would you think it is ok for so many of you to have the same idea I had.  Most of the issue comes form the fact that I am a master procrastinator, and put a lot of things off to the last minute (which would also explain why I am writing this post at a quarter to eleven at night).  I do this because I do my best work under pressure, or so I tell myself.  I am learning as a parent that procrastinating may have been good enough to get me through school, but it is not a great skill to have as a parent.  Planning ahead is much better, and not waiting until the last minute is far superior to putting things off. In any case, because of this awesome skill, we all found ourselves at Temple Square with like a million of our closest friends.  Close in proximity, not really relationship wise.  I didn't even know these people.

We try to make this trip downtown with the kids every year as part of our efforts to make Christmas more about the Savior, Jesus Christ, and less about Santa Claus and presents.  Don't feel bad for Santa, he gets plenty of run at our house, we just hope to somehow help our kids realize that Jesus is the real reason we celebrate Christmas.  We do this through Family Home Evening lessons, incorporating movies and music and stories.  We do this every year, and every year when Christmas rolls around, we fail like failures.  Why?  Because if you ask our kids what the most important thing is about Christmas, most of the time they say presents.  They don't just say it like that, it's more like this: PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hear it, and in my head I do a mental face palm, and just think: FAIL!  That is how I feel most of the time, but every once in a while my kids give me a moment.  Usually it is quick, short and sweet, and it is usually just one moment, but in that moment, they let us know that they have been paying attention.  This post is about one of those moments.

As part of our efforts this year, we have shown our kids the latest Christmas video from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons).  It is called "He is the Gift," and it focuses on how Jesus Christ is the first gift of Christmas, and really the only gift.  The one that means the most.  For your reference, here is the video:

I love this video.  To me it really brings home the whole meaning of Christmas, and puts it all in perspective.  Apparently, we have played this quite a bit at our house this holiday season.  Probably too much.  I kind of thought the kids were sick of it and didn't want to see it again.  I kind of expected them to kind of roll their eyes if I started it up again, but Jak found a moment on Monday to let me know that wasn't the case, at least not for him.

We were at the North Visitors' Center, and we had just gone up to see the Christus Statue.  We came down to the lobby, which was packed full of people, and Johnny wanted to go over and see the model of Jerusalem they have there.  He is fascinated by that kind of stuff.  Erica took Johnny over to the model, and Eliza followed her over there.  I was standing off to the side with the two little girls in our massive stroller (to anyone we may have run over with this beast, I'm sorry) and Jak.  Jak saw that they were playing this video in the lobby and they had some seats facing it.  He walked toward the front, and next thing I knew, I found him like this:

The video is less than 3 minutes long, so it's pretty short, but that is an eternity for Jak to sit still and watch something.  He wasn't just sitting still, but he was glued to it.  When he first got to his little bench, it was ending, and then there was a 30 second countdown, and it started again. Jak just sat and waited the 30 seconds for it to begin, and then watched it through from the beginning.  As it was coming near the end, I wen over and knelt beside him and asked him what he was watching.  His response made me laugh.  He said, "It's your favorite movie."  I smiled, and asked him if he liked it too.  He said, "Yeah, but I need to watch it again so you can read all the words.  I don't know the words."  So I had him scoot over and I sat next to him, and we watched it again, together this time, with me reading the words:

As we got to the part where they are describing the first gift, and they started showing the images of the Savior, Jak blurts out, "It's Baby Jesus, the gift is Baby Jesus." And he had the biggest grin on his face.  In that small, quick little moment, I knew we hadn't totally failed as parents.  Something was sinking in.  It had been a challenging weekend with Jak, at different Christmas parties, at Church, at home, just kind of a rough time.  That little moment changed everything for me.  He was getting it.  Sometimes it seems like our kids have no idea what we said or what we're talking about, and then they let us know they have been listening all along.  This was my Christmas moment.  Whatever happens on Thursday or tomorrow night, nothing will top this for me.  My kids get it.  They get why Christmas is so important.  Despite their parents' shortcomings, something has sunk in, and that was the best present I could have asked for this year.

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My Top Ten Family Christmas Movies

Welcome to a new feature for this festive time of year.  It's the Geeky Dad Christmas Countdown.  This will be a list of ten items, my choosing, to share with you, my faithful readers, to make everyone's holiday season brighter.  Today's list is a top ten countdown of my favorite, family appropriate, Christmas movies.  My top ten may not be the same as yours, and I know people are very sentimental about their Christmas movies, and I am sure that there may be many I left off the list.  I would love to hear from you if that's the case.  Let us know what your favorite movie might be if it's not on the list. A couple of disclaimers before we begin.  First, these are feature length films only.  No short films or TV specials, like Rudolph or Mickey's Christmas Carol.  I love those movies, but this list is feature length films only.  Second, these are all family friendly, so if Bad Santa or Die Hard may be you favorites, just know they won't be on this list.  Third, this is not a critical look at these movies.  I picked them based on nostalgia and how often we watch them, not on how "good" they are.  In other words, this is a completely biased list. So, let's begin the countdown.

10. The Nightmare Before Christmas

The debate rages on.  Is this a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie?  Personally, i tend to lean more toward this being a Halloween movie.  It just feels more like a Halloween movie to me.  I still included this on the list because it is a stunning movie.  The animation is fantastic and the songs are catchy.  I love Tim Burton, generally, and this is one of my favorites of his.  Every Halloween we pull this out and watch it, and we enjoy through November and up until Christmas.  The only reason this is so low on my list is because I do think of it as more of a Halloween movie.  It's fun, it's quirky, and worth the less than 90 minutes. 

9. The Polar Express

This was one of my favorite books growing up.  In particular, I loved the idea of a bell from Santa's sleigh.  I even asked for that one year for Christmas.  It was undeniable proof that Santa was real.  I loved that bell, and loved the fact that I could always hear it.  Sometimes it is hard to get the pacing right when you take a short children's book and attempt to make it a feature length film.  This film does pretty well with that.  The additions are nice and don't distract form the main point of the story.  Despite the creepy animation style, I enjoy pulling this out and watching it each year with the kids.  My boys love it because it has a train, and boys love trains.  

8. Home Alone 2

This is the only sequel to make the list.  I really enjoy this movie.  I know, really what are the odds that Kevin would find himself in this type of a situation, again?  It's a movie, so we'll just go with it.  Personally, I think this film is funnier than the original.  The gags are great at the end with the Wet Bandits, but I also enjoy Kevin's interactions with the hotel staff.  That leads to some great funny moments.  I also feel like there is just something extra Christmasy about New York.  Maybe because it has been the backdrop for a lot of holiday films, or maybe it's because the Christmas season officially starts at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.  Whatever the reason, having New York as the backdrop for this film was a major plus.

 7. The Santa Clause

I remember this film coming out shortly after my parents divorced.  I always wondered what it would be like if my Dad ended up being Santa Claus.  It would be pretty awesome.  The movie has plenty of plot holes, it's true, but I still enjoy year after year.  I enjoy Tim Allen's wit and timing.  He is great with kids, and ends up making a pretty good Santa.  I enjoy the second Santa Clause movie as well, and not so much the third one.  However, neither of the sequels come comes close to the original here.  It was a great concept about how Santa has lasted so long.  If he dies, someone puts the suit on and they become Santa.  Although, the elves didn't seem too broken up about the other Santa falling off the roof.  

6. Home Alone

While I think that the sequel was funnier, the original is better.  It's a little more heartwarming, and I'll admit that I get choked up every time I watch it.  And Erica, my wife, usually makes fun of me, because when it comes to movies, she has a heart of stone.  This was so huge when I was a kid.  There were video games and cartoons that spun off from this movie.  It was just a really big deal.  Usually, when there is that much promotion behind the movie, it's a kind of flash in the pan, and it is not a timeless classic.  I feel like Home Alone broke that mold a little.  I think it has endured the test of time, and has become a staple for a lot of homes.

5. Elf

The movie that introduced the world to Will Farrell.  Elf is one of the few films on this list that I remember seeing in the theaters.  I remember going with my friends to see it, and just laughing the whole time.  I don't know if I thought that it would last as long as it has, but it has seemed to endure and has become a modern classic.  I know it doesn't feel like Christmas until we watch this show.  Will Farrell is hilarious as Buddy, and reminds each of us not to take things so seriously.  Yes, there is a sappy Christmas story with a scrooge behind all of it, but really Will Farrell as Buddy makes the whole movie.  I watch it now and find myself laughing in anticipation for what's coming next.

4. Miracle on 34th Street

This is an old movie, it's true, but it is a great movie.  It should be watched in black and white, not colorized (black and white movies should never be colorized).  The Santa Claus in this movie is perfect.  He is what I picture Santa would be like.  Not the big booming voice that we picture so often now, but a quiet, yet confident demeanor.  I love the idea of challenging the skeptics in the world.  We need a little more magic, a little more imagination in the world.  If we needed it back when this film was released, how much more do we need it today?  The newer version of this film is also good, but for one reason only, at least in our house.  Instead of a little Dutch girl, Santa signs with a little deaf child, so we love that, of course.  Other than that, it has to be the original.  You can't redo the classics.

3. A Christmas Story

You'll Shoot your eye out!  This was the quintessential Christmas movie for me growing up.  There was nothing better than this movie at Christmas time.  I remember this film being one of the first ones I could quote from regularly.  And who couldn't identify with Ralphie?  Who can't remember just wanting that one thing for Christmas, and hoping against hope that it might be there under the tree on Christmas morning?  And then the rapture when you wake up and it is there.  That was a magical moment.  This film captures it all, from the anticipation, the never ending wait for Christmas, to the magic of Christmas morning.  I could almost watch this again and again and again, on like a 24 hour loop all day Christmas.  Someone should do that.

2. The Muppet Christmas Carol

This is one of my favorite Christmas stories, and this is one of my favorite versions of the story.  I know there are probably better, more serious versions out there, but I enjoy this one the most.  I think Michael Caine is great as Scrooge, and often overlooked as a great Scrooge because he played it opposite some puppets, but he pulls it off well.  At first glance, it might seem like having most the cast be made up of Muppets would be a distraction from the story, and who knows how they sold this pitch to the studios, but it works.  The Muppets are not distracting, and the point of this wonderful story shines through.  Plus, the songs are great.  Super catchy and fun songs throughout the film.  This is the Christmas Carol I watch each year.

1. It's a Wonderful Life

Any list counting down to the best Christmas movie should always end here.  This is the best Christmas movie ever made, and may be one of the best films ever made.  It is so good, and I look forward to watching this every year.  I admit that it is hard to sit down and watch this with younger kids, so you may want to put them to bed first.  Despite that, it is family friendly and has a great message.  We don't always know how we have touched the lives of others, but this movie shows each of us that we are important, and that no matter what, Life is wonderful.  We watch it every year on Christmas Eve after the little ones have gone down.  I just love this movie.

Well, there you have it.  There's my list.  What films have to be on at your house once the Christmas season has begun?  Were there some not on my list?  Let me know in the comments.  I would love to hear from you.

What are They Watching?

If you're like me, or like most parents out there, you might be concerned about not just how much TV your kids are watching, but what they are watching as well.  When I was a kid, the issue seemed to mostly be about how much time I spent in front of the old box.  My mother would always say something like, "When I was your age, we would never spend that much time in front of the television."  And of course they wouldn't.  TV got a lot better when I was a kid compared to when my mom was a kid, and it improved in quality and quantity.  There was a lot more of it, and it was better. All of these great super hero movies and geeky stuff, it all started back when I was a kid as a cartoon show on Saturday Mornings. And it was glorious.  So I remember thinking, why would she have spent more time watching TV?  It sucked back then.

Now that I am a parent, I have begun to worry about the same thing.  My kids seem to want to spend way more time in front of some moving pictures than playing outside, ever.  And, just like the jump in quantity from my parents growing up to me growing up, my kids have way more variety to choose from, and with different media like NetFlix and YouTube, it is an almost endless amount of stuff they can watch.  So how do I keep up?  How do I make sure what they are watching is OK, and it's not too much of it?  I have been thinking about this, and I have some ideas, so I thought I would share them here.

1. Is it Appropriate?

This is a question that every family must answer for themselves.  I may have a totally different idea of what is appropriate for my kids than what you think is appropriate for yours.  You may think I am too strict or not strict enough, but that's not really the point.  The point is that you have to decide what is and what isn't appropriate, and then you have to decide if the show they are watching fits into that mold or not.  For example, most parents might agree that TV-MA rated shows, almost as a blanket statement, are not appropriate for their children, but it becomes more complicated with TV-14, or TV-PG.  The ratings system is a helpful guide, but the people who do the ratings are not raising your children, you are.  And there are varying degrees of what fits into each rating, so you have to know what the show is really all about.  That means, from time to time, you might want to sit down and watch an episode or two with your kids.  You might be surprised to find what passes mustard these days.

An example from our lives: Jak was really into a particular YouTube channel that was all about Skylanders.  The "episodes" basically followed a family that was way into Skylanders as they played the games, went to the store to hunt for the figures and do a bunch of other silly stuff with Skylanders.  We watched a few of the episodes.  It was supposed to be family friendly viewing, and some ways it was.  They didn't curse or show anything "inappropriate," but we had an issue.  The dad in the show would call his kids names and losers when he would beat them in a challenge.  He was joking, but what Jak was learning was that it was OK to talk to other family members that way, like his mom.  We decided that the Skylander channel had to go, and it was deemed inappropriate.  For us.  But we would not have known that if we had not sat down and suffered (I mean really suffered) through a couple of episodes.

2. Is it Worth their Time?

This is where the quality of what they are watching comes into question.  Some of the stuff they watch is not inappropriate, it's just plain stupid.  There is no value in it, and it is simply a waste of their time.  I am not talking about something that I just don't get as an old person, but it is just nonsense.  This happens a lot on NetFlix, when they find some show that never made it big on TV, and they start watching it, and you realize why it never made it.  A lot of times, the shows look like someone's final school project in art school.  And you wonder if they got an F.  The only way to find out if this is the case for what your kids are watching is again, to sit down with them and watch it with them.  Sometimes it is painful to do (see my example above), but then you know.  

If it is not worth their time, I try to steer them toward something that is.  This is often easier said than done.  Kids get very attached to their shows very quickly.  Before you know it, they are obsessed with a new show, and it is awful.  Once they are obsessed, sometimes you have to just ride it out.  Sometimes, though, you can distract them with something else.  The real point here, is, again, you need to know what they are watching and be aware of it.

3. Set Limits

Set time limits and day limits , and stick to them.  We try to limit our kids to just a couple hours a day in front of the "TV" (this includes the Computer, the iPads or iPhones, anything they could use to watch some videos).  Sometimes this is hard, not just because they want to watch stuff, but because sometimes it is easier for us to just let them sit and watch stuff.  Don't judge us, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.  They stay out of the way and are quieter if they are sitting and watching something. That makes it tempting to just forget about the limits, but you can't.  Don't do it. This is me talking to me, just so we're clear.

One limit we have set is Sunday means no iPad or Computer.  If we as a family decide to sit down and watch something, that's fine, but we want to have one day a week where we don't have 5 different shows going on at once.  It's important to us to have that day, so we set that limit.  The first week we tried to have that limit, it went over really well.  Actually, there was a lot of crying and dramatics.  You would have thought that we just canceled Christmas.  My first instinct was to just give in, and let them have the iPads back, but I resisted, and realized the massive temper tantrum we were witnessing only reinforced our idea that we need this day as a break.  It has gotten better since than, and now they don't even ask for the iPads or computer.  As much, anyway.

4. Don't Assume

Don't assume anything about TV or rules of TV or anything like that.  They are constantly changing.  When I was younger, I don't think the same stuff was allowed on TV that is allowed today.  Networks and studios are constantly trying to push the limits, trying to get away with more.  Why?  Because shows that push the envelope, that create controversy get really high ratings.  People are drawn to it, so networks try to keep it up.  When the rating system first came out, it seemed like the TV-MA ratings were confined mostly to the premium channels like HBO or Showtime, and then it was mostly late at night, when the kids were in bed. Don't assume that this is still the case.  Don't assume that because it is on basic cable, it won't be that bad, or that it's safe because it is on one of the major networks.  All those rules are out the window now.  You can't assume anything about TV.

You also can't assume that any filters or parental blocks that you have set up on your Internet browser, or your computer or a website, that they will block and filter everything.  Stuff always gets through.  We have strict filtering set up on our google search as well as restrictions on our computer's browser and on our router, but stuff still gets through.  You just can't assume that anything out there, any software, any program, and group that comes up with standards and ratings, anything out there will take your place as the parent.  You have to be aware of what the kids are watching, and you have to be in control.  It is so easy to just hope everything you have in place will work, and then walk away. Again, this is me talking to me again, even though I used "you."  I need to listen to this as well.  Being a parent is not easy, and if it is, you're doing it wrong. That doesn't mean it's not worth it.  Just like most things in life that are worth it, parenting is hard.  Hard and worth it.  You have to sacrifice and constantly work at it.  You don't get days or nights off.

That last part started getting pretty heavy.  I'm sorry.  I try to make this blog fun and funny, and that last little bit wasn't either, but this is something that I worry about constantly with my own kids.  How do I protect them from so much of what is out there?  It keeps me up at night sometimes, and maybe that makes me weird, but these kids are the most important things in my life, and I don't want to screw them up like I screw everything else up.

I guess, to close, the most important thing I have found with media, and with almost anything in my kids' lives, is we just have to be involved and no what is going on.  That is probably the most important thing we can do as parents.  Just be there.

A Little Taste of My Second Home

Last night, I had the wonderful opportunity to share a little bit of my mission with my kids and wife.  Unfortunately, I have never been able to make it back to Germany with my family yet, but maybe someday we will make it.  Until then, I love to look for opportunities to share some of the German culture with my family.  I found out this week that This is the Place Heritage Park has a Christkindlmarkt every year. I had no idea, but once I found out about it, I was determined that we were going.  Last night was our chance.

If you are unfamiliar with the Christkindlmarkt concept, let me explain.  Each little town in Germany has their own Christkindlmarkt, or Weihnachtsmarkt, in the middle of the town in the pedestrian zone.  The zone is lined with little wooden booths where people are selling great little Christmas gifts and foods and drinks and what not.  It is awesome.  It seems like they run the whole month of December, and it makes for a magical atmosphere at Christmas time.  There are many of these markets throughout the United States, some larger than others.  This is Salt Lake's little version, and I loved it.

It was very small, and I really wasn't interested in most of the shops, because I just wanted to be there because it reminded me of Germany. My kids thought it was really cool, though.  They liked the lights and the smells and just everything there was to see.  We of course bought some Lebkuechen, because that is a German Christmas must.  Siegfried's was there, and their little food wagon smelled amazing, but they were also the most popular stop there, so the line was long, so we skipped it.

The kids thought it was cool because it was like dad's mission.  They were also all excited to see St. Nicklaus while we there.  At least they all said they were excited.  That changed when we got up to St. Nicklaus, and they all chickened out, except for Lucy, who we had to hold back so she wouldn't run in front of the other people waiting ahead of us, and Johnny, who all of a sudden had no idea what he wanted.  St. Nicklaus promised that Johnny would get a big empty box that just said "I don't know" on it.

On the way out, I decided to go back to one of the little booths to get one item.  When I was on my mission, I really started to appreciate a particular thing they had there at Christmas time.  I knew about the nutcrackers before my mission, and I had seen the spinning pyramids, but I had never seen the little smoker men.  I thought they were zoo cool on my mission, and I always wanted to buy one, but I never did.  They had some at the Christkindlmarkt last night, so I looked to see if they had any in my price range, which was between a little and not a lot.  I was in luck.  They had a couple to choose from, so I picked one, and was so excited to bring it home.  I call him Fredrick.

One of my favorite things about Christmas time is all the traditions.  Things you do each year that remind you and tell you that it is really Christmas time.  Things that remind you maybe of when you were a kid, or things you hope your kids will look back on and remember fondly.  It is always exciting to try something new and discover a new activity that could become a tradition.  I feel like this adventure last night will be a new tradition for us.  I  plan on going back next year, seeing all the same things, and possibly adding to our smoker man collection (my wife says it isn't a collection since we only have one.  I just remind her that's how collections start).

You Worry When it's Quiet

Kids make noise. I live with 5 of them, so I know what I am talking about here.  The make noise.  Lots and lots of noise.  When I am home and the kids are awake, it is just like mass chaos sometimes.  It makes my head hurt just thinking about it, to be honest.  They're not being bad or naughty when they're making noise, it's just part of the package.  They run around, playing all sorts of games and each game has a different noise value, but it is all loud.  This is compounded, by the way, if you are traveling anywhere in your car.  For whatever reason, they feel like while in the car they must make more noise than usual, and there is no escape for you. You're stuck in there with them and all that sound.

With kids, noise is a basic part of life.  Yes, there are the times when they're asleep and you're awake when they don't make noise.  This lasts for about an hour and a half at our house in the evening.  It is a glorious time, and frankly, there is not enough of it.  That time aside, when kids are awake there is sound in the house.  Unless there isn't.  These are the times when you need to worry.  If a child, or children, are awake, and you do not hear anything from them, this is a bad sign.  They only stop making sound for two reasons:  They are sleeping; or they are getting into trouble.  They figure out at a very early age that when they are doing something they shouldn't be doing, noise just draws attention to them, so they are quiet about it.  If one of my children is out of sight, and I can't hear them, then I know I need to find them, and fast.  More than likely, they are destroying something or getting into something they shouldn't be. Let me give you an example.

This is Lucy.  I know, you're thinking that she is just the most adorable thing you have ever seen.  And that smile is just too cute.  Let me tell you about that smile.  That smile is her trouble maker smile.  We call her Hurricane Lucy at our house, because at any given time she is causing some kind of disaster in some room in the house.  Don't get me wrong, she is cute while she is doing it, but the results are the same either way, disaster.  Last night, we put all 3 girls to bed at the same time.  This is always a bad idea.  They stay awake much later when we do this because they decide to play or whatever instead of sleep.  In fact, normally when this happens, Lucy and Eliza keep each other awake for a couple of hours, and we can hear them in their room making noise while they play.  Lots of noise.  Last night, that didn't happen.  Erica needed to run to the store, but she was going to wait until they calmed down.  Within 20 minutes, she felt like everybody had settled in and she could go.  This was abnormally quick for our girls, so we should have known what was going on, but we were foolishly optimistic.

Erica went to the store and came back and we were sitting on our bed enjoying NetFlix, when we heard a thud, followed by Lucy crying.  We figured she must have fallen out of her bed.  Kids do that sometimes.  I don't know why, but they just fall out of a perfectly good bed that is really huge compared to them, so they really have no business being that close to the edge any way.  Erica went to go check on her, and she was blown away by the scene that met her when she went in there.  Lucy was crying uncontrollably, and her face and hair were covered, caked in diaper rash cream.  It took Erica a minute to figure out what it was, but the smell gave it away.  As she walked into the room to pick Lucy up, she noticed she was near the crib, not her bed.  And the crib was covered in the cream as well.  As she looked more closely, she discovered they Maren, asleep at this point, also had her face covered in the cream.  9:30 at night, we were called into action.  I started the bath water, and ran to our laundry to grab some clean pajamas for the two girls, while Erica began trying to while it off of Lucy's face.  As she was working on her face, I retrieved Maren from the crib.  First she was mad because I woke her up.  Then she was mad because she had diaper rash cream all over her face.  I would have been mad about both of those things as well.

As we bathed the two girls, we learned some things.  We learned that Maren, who normally dislikes baths, hates baths when she is barely awake and covered in diaper rash cream.  We learned that said cream does not wash off easily, regardless of how many times you put shampoo in there hair or lather up the soap.  We learned that Lucy, who normally loves baths, does not like baths when she has to be dunked in the water multiple times.  We also learned, or re-learned, that if they kids are not making noise in a situation where they normally would make noise, we need to see what's wrong.  Something is happening, and it is sneaky and not good.

Fortunately, both girls fell back asleep pretty quickly after the baths were done and they had fresh pj's on.  Of course, we couldn't get all the diaper cream out of Lucy's hair, so she fell asleep with some still stuck in there, and she will need another bath today, bout at least we got it out of her eyes and off her face.  Maren spent the whole time being mad until I had the opportunity to snuggle with her until she fell asleep.  Lucy just smiled after her bath.  She thought the whole thing was a great time, apparently.  I felt like we were just lucky to have survived another touchdown of Hurricane Lucy with minimal damage.  In any case, the whole event reminded me that Kids make noise, and if they're awake, not making noise, then you have to worry about that.  It is never good.

How to Find Your Missing Child in Walmart

Have you ever had a really dumb idea?  I mean, an idea so bad and so dumb that it makes you wonder not just how you thought of it, but how anyone could ever be so dumb that they would come up with the idea?  I had one such idea on Saturday.  My idea was to give my wife a little break and to take the kids out.  I didn't have any specific plan for going somewhere, but I just planned to take the three older kids out while the younger two might take a nap.  My wife had the brilliant idea to take the kids to Walmart because we needed a few things.  To be fair, she did suggest that I just go by myself, but like I said, I was determined to give her a break.  So I talked the kids into getting dressed and going to the store.  Of course, I had to tell them that we were going to buy donuts just to get them to go.  That meant that I would, in fact, have to buy donuts.

Going to the store with small children is used in many countries as a form of criminal punishment.  Taking kids to Walmart is reserved for capital crimes.  These punishments would never work here in the United States because we have laws that protect criminals from cruel and unusual punishment.  My wife has told me stories of going to the store by herself with the kids, and none of them end well. I have gone with her to the store with all the kids, and it never ends well.  I don't know why or how I thought this trip would be any different.  If you have never had the pleasure of accompanying multiple small children to the store by yourself, let me break it down for you:

• You get a cart, but forget keeping any of the kids to sit in it.  They all want to walk because they are all "Big" kids.  You try to get them to sit, but forget it, unless one of them breaks and sits down on their own.  Then they all want to sit, but only in the one spot where the first one is sitting.
• The kids move slowly through the store because they get distracted by everything.  Every two minutes, you have to stop and wait for the kids to catch up to you because they have seen something shiny, so they had to stop and look.  It's like shopping with three Dugs from the movie Up.
• Be prepared to say no a lot.  They ask for everything.  Stuff that they simply don't need.  They have never once said they wanted it before, but when they see it in the store, they "love" it and have to have it.  You can try to be one of those perfect, practical parents and explain how money works and how you don't have any, but you are waiting your breath because they know you have one of those magic money cards.
• You will go to the toy section.  If the store where you are shopping has a toy section, you will be visiting the toy section.  You can try to put up a fight, but eventually you will give in and you will be going to the toy section. It is simply what happens.  You will be going up and down every toy aisle.  

Maybe this doesn't happen to you when you go to the store with kids.  This means you are one of those perfect parents no one likes to be around because you make the rest of us look bad, or you are simply lying to yourself and us.  I think the majority of people have experienced the events described above.  One thing I had always been proud of was the fact that I had never lost a child in one of these huge box store.  I was proud of that, until it happened to me on Saturday.

I have mentioned before that Jak has some interesting quirks.  One of those is that sometimes he seems to get lost in his own little world, which can lead to situations like this one.  The three kids were looking at all the toys and were expanding their ever growing Christmas list.  I stepped away from them for just a minute because we were right next to the toothbrushes, and I needed a new one.  I came back to the toys just in time to see my two oldest riding around the bike section on some fancy bikes.  I got them to stop, and noticed we were short one child.  "Where's Jak?"  I asked.  The two just looked at me and gave some very helpful shoulder shrugs.  Jak had wandered off.  

We began searching for Jak in the toy section, but all the aisles were empty.  We went back to his last known position, and he was no where in sight.  He knew we were getting donuts, so I frantically raced across the store to the donut section (some people call it a bakery, not us), Jak was not there.  We went back over to the toy section, and I split up the other two, giving them specific directions on where to look and when to come right back.  They were surprisingly obedient for once.  They both completed their missions and reported back with no luck.  It was time to call it in.  I had no idea where he was, and I needed help.  I found the nearest employee and told them what was happening, and they directed me to the customer service desk.  I let them know what was happening and the woman there leapt into action.  She sent out a call to all the managers and then began racing over to each of the exits to tell the employees to block the doors.  This was serious business, and I was beginning to panic just a little bit.  My first thought was that my wife was going to kill me if I didn't come back with the same number of kids I left with.

If you are a parent and you have ever misplaced a child for any length of time, you know it is the worst feeling.  Your head is filled with a lot of thoughts, and none of them are very happy.  There is just a giant pit in your stomach and you are just worried sick.  On top of that, you realize that obviously, you are not very good at this whole parenting thing. Maybe I should just give it all up.

These were the thoughts in my head as we left the customer service area to tell the greeters to block the exits.  And as we left the service area, I saw the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.  A woman was walking up to the service are with Jak following behind her.  Jak saw me and immediately started running up to me.  It was like one of those scenes from a movie where two people see each other across a field and just begin running toward each other.  It was like that, except at Walmart.  I had been a little angry with my son up to that point, but as I held him in my arms, I realized he was just as scared as I was.  It was hard to be anything but relieved and happy at that point.  Plus, he didn't need to be yelled at, he needed to comforted. 

I had my cart with me, so I put Jak in the cart, and he didn't argue this time.  I just couldn't let him walk anymore.  I asked him why he had run off like that, and he said, "I didn't run off.  I just wasn't paying attention."  I asked him where he had gone, and he said "I couldn't see you guys so I was looking for you."  He hadn't just run off, he just wasn't paying attention and when he realized he was alone, he did the only thing he could think of, he started looking for us.  I was scared while he was gone, but then I thought how he must have felt.  Those stores are ginormous for little people like Jak, and it must be terrifying at his age to feel all alone in that store.

Anyway, the point is, well just love your kids.  I guess I just wanted to share.  They put us through a lot, but usually they don't mean to.  It was a scary 20 or so minutes looking for him and not knowing where he was, but since then, I have found myself hugging each of my little ones a little tighter for a little longer.