And here it is:
No! Not the child herself. She is adorable, and I would obviously have no soul if I thought she was the worst part of being a dad. She, along with the other 4 little monsters I live with are the best part of being a dad. No, you might not be able to tell, but this little girl is one sick little puppy. That is what tops my list. It is the absolute worst when one of your kids is sick. I can't stand it. I wish it never happened to any of my kids, but unfortunately it happens to everybody's kids. Here's the thing, if Martha Stewart and Mr. Clean go together and had a kid and did everything in their power to raise that child in a germ free home, and feed that child nothing but healthy food, it wouldn't matter. That kid would get sick at some point. Kids and germs just go together like PB and J, or R2-D2 and C3PO. Really, you can't have one without the other.
When your child gets sick, prepare to be uncomfortable for a while. That child will find a way to end up in your bed, and there's no way you are going to kick them out. When they look at you with those sick eyes and pouty face, you are going to cave. You would have to be some kind of heartless monster to turn them down. Here's the problem, though, anyone knows that sleeping with a child is comfortable for no one except the child. This individual is easily like a quarter the size of a grown human being, yet the amount of space they take up in the bed is no where near proportionate to their actual size. You will find yourself waking up in the middle of the night with at least one leg hanging dangerously close to the edge of the bed, and once that one leg goes, you might just find yourself on the floor. Good luck sleeping like that. You might even get the crazy idea to move the child. You look at her, and she is sleeping like a little angel and you think, I got this. Nice try, but be prepared to fail. The minute you touch that child, some kind of internal sensor goes off, alerting her that she is about to be moved back into her own bed. It starts as a little sniffle, an almost cry, and you think, no problem, nice and slow, and then it escalates very quickly to an all out wail. No chance you are sleeping with that racket going on. No, you're better off leaving her in the bed with your wife, and moving yourself to the couch. The couch, which is both too narrow for your fat self, and too short for your legs. There is no chance that this will be comfortable, but this is the best option, really the only option if you want any sleep at all. So you're going to wake up with sore back and neck, and stiff legs. Big deal. At least you got a couple of hours of sleep. The sad part id that this scene will play out again and again over the next few nights until baby is feeling better. If you're lucky, that is. If you're like me, and you've bred you're own basketball team starting 5, then you may have month or more of this to endure. I say more, because chances are, this little virus friend will make multiple rounds through your family.
I can't decide which is worse, the cold/fever type symptoms or the vomiting. I feel like a genius when I share this idea with you. Someone needs to invent an alarm clock for parents that is basically the sound of one of their children throwing up. If you want to see two people jump out of bed faster than you thought was humanly possible, send in their child and have them puke. It works every time. You are awake and alert at that point, regardless of how deep you were sleeping. I feel bad for my wife when the kids have this type of sickness, because I am less than useless when this happens. I can't even be in the same room with someone vomiting, to the after effects of said action. In fact, I don't think I can write anymore about this.
All of what I have described above is not what makes your kid being sick the worst part of parenting. These are all inconveniences, but parenting is all about inconveniences. The worst part about all of it is the fact that there is nothing you can do to fix this when it happens. As a dad, our main drive in life is to prevent anything from happening to our kids, and fix it when it does. You can't fix when you're kid is sick. It totally stinks in every way. I remember our first little monster. He probably went to the doctor more than any other kid I have ever known. Any time he got any kind of cold of flu symptom, we brought him in. I was beginning to think we may have gotten a defective kid or something like that. I even looked for the receipt to see if we could take him back. My wife tried to explain how that wasn't how it works. The problem with taking him into the doctor was that the doctor was no help at all. He would literally walk in and look at my son and say, "Well, he's sick. He'll just need to take it easy for a while, but he should be fine." First of all, take it easy? All this guy does, my son that is, is sleep, eat, and poop. That is my definition of taking it easy. That is, in fact, my ideal weekend. How much easier could this kid really take it? Aside form that, how frustrating is that? The doctor was even less help than I could be, and he was charging us for it. We've wised up, and now we never take our kids in. What's the point? They just tell you it's a virus, there's nothing they can do, and they just need to rest and drink lots of fluids. Write it down, I promise, that's what they say.
So, that's the real frustration. Here is one of your children, one of your little treasures, and they are sick and there is nothing you can do about it. You can't fix it. You are helpless. At least, I used to think so. Now I know better, and I'll share a secret with everyone. Are you ready? There is nothing that helps a little kid feel better than snuggling with daddy. Somehow, dad's just have this magical power that just helps kids heal faster and feel better. The only way they can use it is through cuddles with their kids. Maybe it comes from the fact that you really do just want to fix everything, and you really do want to protect them from everything. I think they know that, and when you're holding them, when I'm holding my own kids, they feel safe and they feel better. They feel protected. Sometimes that's all you can do, and it makes the world of difference to them. Maybe it is all just in my head. Maybe it just comes from my want to make it all better. Maybe, but I have seen what happens when I do it. When they are crying and are uncomfortable and I pick them up and they snuggle into me and the pain seems to be gone and they just look content and peaceful. Hmm... those are tender moments that i wouldn't trade for anything. Maybe your kids being sick isn't the worst thing after all. Maybe, in the end, even the challenging things about being a parent are worth it, and there really isn't a worst part.
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