I remember the single life. It was a real party. Especially on the weekends. I would spend Fridays and Saturdays with my friends and would be out all hours of the night. We never did anything bad. Mostly we went to movies, or hung out and watched movies, or went to concerts. The point is, life was grand. I could really do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I mean, I always wanted to get married and start a family, but at that point I was just enjoying being me and being me by myself.
Then something I happened. I met the woman of my dreams and we fell in love, and decided to get married. That's when I discovered that married life was way better than being single. Now, I had a permanent companion to go do things with. We could go to movies, or concerts, or stay up late watching movies. If we came home from work, and didn't feel like fixing dinner, we didn't. We just ran to a restaurant and picked up something to eat. If it was a Wednesday night, and we felt like going to see a movie, we did it. We just got in the car and drove to the theater and watched a movie. It was like being single, except doing it all with a girl, which just made it better.
Before we got married, Erica and I had discussed the idea of having children. One of the things that attracted me to Erica was not only that she was for the idea, but she was for it now. She didn't want to wait to have kids until we had traveled the world, or she had finished school, or I had finished school. She wanted to start a family right now. We always joke that we were older, so we felt the pressure to get started right away. By older, I was 24 when we got married and she was 23. Yeah, really old. I'm not here to tell people when to have kids or how many, but I wanted to start right away as well, so it was probably good that the two of us were on the same page.
Shortly after we got married, Erica got pregnant. By shortly, I mean it was a month or so after. I was thrilled. I always wanted to be a dad, so I couldn't wait to tell everyone our good news. Erica thought it would be better to wait. So I waited. Like a couple of days. That is a long time for me, and fortunately, I have a very forgiving wife. I couldn't help but spread the good news. I was happy and excited, and all I wanted was for everyone I told to be happy and excited for me. For the most part, they were, but there were a few who weren't. These were the ones who would shake their heads and look at me and with a sad tone in their voice, say,"Kids change everything." I just thought, yeah they do. Just like getting married. Getting married changed everything. It made everything better. Having kids was going to be the same thing. Kids were going to make everything we did better, somehow. I just knew that it would.
Then, the greatest day of my life. My first son was born, and I had arrived. I was a dad. It was awesome to hold that little one for the first time, and I was just so proud of how perfect he was. I know that most babies look weird when their born. For some reason, no body ever talks about this, but we all know it is true. We go to the hospital to see the babies and we say, "Oh how precious, what a cute little girl or boy. He/She has your eyes, and looks just like so and so in the family." In our heads, we're thinking, "that is the weirdest looking creature I have ever seen, and I used to raise duck billed platypuses growing up. It looks like the baby of E.T. and Benjamin Button, the old Benjamin Button, not the young, Brad Pitt version. In fact, maybe this baby has Benjamin Button disease." I mean we all think it, but no one says it. With our babies, no one could say it. They really were perfect in every way, and not at all weird looking. This little bundle of joy was already changing everything for the better, I could feel it.
Then, two weeks later happened, and I realized that kids do change everything. Gone were the days when we could just jump in the car and go to see a movie, or run down to our favorite restaurant. Not happening with this baby. And forget about alone time with my wife. The kid was having none of that, unless it was his alone time. We literally did nothing for a very long time, hardly ever left the house unless it was work or a doctor's appointment for baby. It was like, somehow this small little person had taken us hostage, and he wasn't letting us go for anything. But, the sleepless nights (mostly Erica, not me) and the endless crying and neediness and bottomless pit of dirty diaper, it all became endearing somehow. So much so, that we decided less than two years later to have another one. I think parenthood is some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome. You know what would make this hostage situation even better? Adding another little person to hold us hostage.
Obviously, it wasn't all bad, because we didn't stop at two, despite everyone saying, "Oh, you have one of each! How Cute! So are you done now?" No, we weren't done, because baby number two was followed closely by three, four and five. Now we have five kids, and they have changed everything. We still never leave the house by ourselves. We haven't had a date since our anniversary in April, and before that, it was even longer. Our dates have become sneaking ice cream into the house after the kids have gone to bed, and hoping they don't smell it. My daughter always does. Somehow, she has Wolverine's sense of smell. She comes in, telling us that she smells something, and I swear, she doesn't just tell us it's ice cream, but which flavor. It's amazing.
Kids have changed everything for us. We used to be able to get ready and out the door in seconds flat. Now, if we want to go anywhere, we have to plan in an extra half hour, each direction, just for getting the kids ready and into the car. Usually, it's a process of putting the diaper bag together, searching for shoes or socks, or sometimes, pants, herding the children toward the back door, fighting with them about who is sitting where, buckling everyone in, and 30 minutes later, we are ready to go, assuming everything goes smoothly. This is my life now. If want an escape, I usually jump at the chance to run to the store for my wife to pick something up. She has caught on to this little trick now, and usually asks me to take one of the kids with, which usually leads to really taking between three and four kids with. The message: If I don't get a break, neither do you. I'm sure she would disagree with that, but it doesn't make it any less true, or valid.
I miss the days when we could just jump in the car and just go do something. Do you know that I still haven't seen Guardians of the Galaxy? It's true. When would we go? Do you know how hard it is to find a sitter for five kids? It's nearly impossible. When we had just one, any of our parents would offer to take him. They were all relatively new to the grandparent thing, and he was only one child. Now, I think most of my family and friends have either changed their numbers, or they ignore us when we call. They know what we're after. I usually find myself lying on the voicemail just so they will return my call. "Uh, hey, yeah, this is not your brother Jake. It's Ed McMahon, and you have just won $1 Million. Please call me back at you r brother Jake's number." It usually only works once, so we don't want to waste it.
Kids have changed everything for us. We used to care a lot about ourselves. How we dressed, whether our clothes had stains on them, if the person in the car next to me caught me singing along to the radio. Now, we don't care about that stuff at all. I don't think I own a Sunday suit without any stains. Every single one has some kind of stain on it. I sing to my kids all the time. In the car, at the store, it doesn't matter, and I usually just make up words to songs as I go. The kids think it's way funny, so I do it for them. Kids have a funny way of helping you realize what is really important in life, and what isn't. Keeping up with the Joneses isn't as important as spending time with your kids and being there for them. Sometimes, it can be easy to see your friends new car, or house or whatever and be jealous. If I didn't have my kids, then I could have that stuff. Then you look at your kids, and you feel sorry for your friends that don't have kids. You begin to feel sorry for people you meet that tell you they don't want kids because they can barely take care of themselves. They just don't know that kids change everything. They might think they know, and they only see the negative aspect of that. But they don't really know. My kids have made everything better, and there is not a moment I would trade away that I spent with them. I can't explain it, because everything I described up above is 100 per cent true, but it doesn't matter. It's all worth it. My kids changed everything for me. Before they came along, I felt like I was just aimlessly wandering through life. My kids gave me a purpose, a point to life. I know it sounds dramatic and lame, and if you thought that you probably don't have kids, so you wouldn't understand yet. You see, kids change everything.
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