Halloween

Halloween is really an interesting thing, when you think about it.  All year long, we try to get our kids in bed on time, try to limit the amount of junk food they eat, and would never let them watch anything remotely scary.  Then Halloween comes along, and bam! all those things go out the window.  I mean, think about it, the rest of the year we tell our kids to not take candy from strangers.  You know, all that stuff about "stranger danger," and then Halloween hits and we walk them door to door and have them literally ask strangers for candy.  Talk about sending mixed messages.  It's ok, though, we chalk it all up to tradition and fun, and it's harmless, and I would have to be some kind of heartless monster to not let my kids go door to door.  Maybe I am slightly heartless, it's part of being a dad.

Don't get me wrong, I have many fond memories of trick-or-treating when I was a kid.  My friends and I would leave right before dark and stay out way too late trying to get our bags (usually pillow cases) as full as possible with candy.  Then we would return to one of our houses, dump out the candy and compare our hauls.  Of course, trades would take place as we tried to unload the candy we hated and get something better in return.  My mom would always see she would have to inspect the candy before we were allowed to eat it, make sure all the candy was age for our consumption.  For some reason, when I was a kid, Snickers were very unsafe, and she had to confiscate them all.  I figured out the truth, she just wanted first dibs on my candy.  It was a lot of fun, and there was no way my stash would ever be mingled with my sister or brother's stash.  I was always jealous of my sister, who would save her candy until Easter. Mine never made it to Thanksgiving.  Those were really great times, and there is no way I would ever let my kids do that stuff.

Part of it is that times have changed.  It simply is not as safe today as it used to be.  Or maybe we just never heard about how unsafe things were back then.  I would never let my kids go out by themselves  all night collecting candy from people I barely knew.  I would be terrified that they would never make it home.  I am not a helicopter parent, at least I like to think I'm not.  I just have some common sense. We take our kids out, maybe around our circle, a little bit in my mom's neighborhood, and my dad's street, to houses of people I know.  I want them to have little bit of that experience.  What I really like though is all the Halloween alternatives.  For example, my office allows kids to come in on Halloween to trick-or-treat.  My kids love it.  It is the only time all year that they get to come see dad at work, so they really look forward to it.  Plus, there are a lot of people on our floor, so the kids get quite the haul.  More than enough candy.  I also like the whole trunk-or -treat idea, where your local ward (LDS Church Congregation) and they open the trunks of their cars and the kids go from car to car.  The point is my kids still get plenty of candy without having to be out in the dark all night.

The idea of not sharing candy doesn't happen in our house either.  My wife has always been really good about this.  She always takes the kids candy and pours it into one giant bowl (now we need like three with all of our kid) and everybody takes candy from there, so they all have one giant candy stash.  It is awesome, because after the kids go to bed, Daddy knows where the candy is.  I don't have to hunt for it and try to find their secret hiding places.  Plus, it also allows me to get rid of all the gum without them seeing.  I hate gum, but that's a story for another post.

For me, Halloween used to be all about the candy.  I would never dress up in a costume, but if it meant candy, then I was there.  I like encouraging my kids to participate.  For me, the costumes my kids wear is now the best part.  This year, we will have one Spider-Man (black), one Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (orange), two princesses (Rapunzel and Belle), and one care bear.  It is just so much fun to work on my kids and talk them into what I want them to be.  Picking a Halloween costume is a lot like life that way.  I spend all my time with my kids trying to talk them into wanting to be doctors or lawyers or something that earns a lot of money so they can take care of me someday.  Halloween is no different.

I am looking forward to another great Halloween.  I hope each of you have a great Halloween as well, and stay safe, and don't forget to brush your teeth to avoid all those cavities.

The Best Part of Traveling for Work

As you may have noticed, it has been a while since I have written anything on the blog.  The truth is, I was traveling all last week, and it is too much work for me to bring my laptop, my personal laptop, along when I travel.  I had my iPad, so i suppose I could have used that to post something, but there is just something about a physical keyboard that just goes along with writing for me.  The virtual keyboard just doesn't do it for me at all.  I have to be able to feel the keys, and here the clicking of the keys as I type.  Does that make me strange?  Probably, but that's ok with me.

Yes, last week I was traveling, and it was travel for work, which is the worst kind, really.  You leave your family behind, and you venture out into the big, scary world all by yourself.  My trip was to San Francisco.  I have the photos to prove it:

That's me, in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. I look thrilled, don't I?  I took this picture because on the way to the airport, my 4-year-old son asked me, "In San Francisco, don't they have that Golden Gate Bridge or sumfing?" Yes they do, so I promised him a pic, and there it is.

The expression on my face sums up business travel for me.  I just don't like it.  Don't get me wrong, there are worse things in life, and I am grateful for my job and the company I work for, and the opportunities that are presented as a result, but it's just not fun to travel for work.  Why?  Because you are all alone.  Some of you might be thinking with 5 kids, I would relish the opportunity to be alone for once, and that's true.  It lasts about as long as my 1 1/2 hour flight, then I start missing my kids and the chaos that goes with them.  I stayed later at work on the days I was there because what was waiting for me back at the hotel?  An empty room, that's what.  Again, you might think that the peace and quiet are a nice change, but it gets old really fast.  The absolute worst part of traveling is being away from my family.  It just is.  If that makes me a softy or a whip, fine, I don't care.  I like being home with my family more than I like seeing the world.

There have been some great inventions and developments over the years that have made business travel better than it used to be, I'm sure.  One of my favorites is FaceTime from Apple.  Yes I know that Skype is the same thing and can be on any device.  I don't care, I like Apple, and I like FaceTime.  It is so cool to be able to see my wife and kids, instead of just hearing them.  It is also fun to watch my two youngest girls fight over being in front of the camera to see me.  I loved that part.  It is fun to watch as my oldest is explaining what he did that day, or how he helped mom make dinner that night.  It does me good to see that things at home are ok, and everyone looks good.  I love it.  Until it is time to hang up.  That is the worst thing ever.  I don't want to do it, but eventually it is time for my kids to go to bed, and that requires my wife's undivided attention, and then some, so eventually, you have to hang up.  The only thing that keeps me going each day while I am away is that hour long conversation with the family when I get back to the hotel.

The FaceTime is nice, but the best part of traveling for work is coming home.  Nothing beats arriving at the airport, walking off the plane, worn out and tired, making it down the escalator to where everyone is waiting for their loved ones, and seeing my family there.  Seeing the way my girls' faces light up when the see me and getting all the hugs.  Hugs are always nice, but hugs after you have been gone for nearly a week, those are even better.  There is just something so sweet about coming home and seeing everyone again, knowing how much I missed them.  It almost makes me want to book my next trip, just to experience it again.

The Worst Thing About Being a Dad

I know, the title to this post does not seem very promising.  Any post that has the word "worst" in the title is almost always a negative post.  It's really kind of surprising because I am typically a pretty upbeat, positive kind of guy.  I try to make my posts on this blog honest, and overall cheery, but I do feel in the spirit of honesty, I need to discuss what the worst part of being a dad is.  Don't misunderstand me, the list of negative things about being a parent is short in my mind, so it's not like the is the top of a very long list.  I don't even know if I could list the top 5 worst things about being a parent.  Maybe that's why I went for just number one.

And here it is:

No! Not the child herself.  She is adorable, and I would obviously have no soul if I thought she was the worst part of being a dad.  She, along with the other 4 little monsters I live with are the best part of being a dad.  No, you might not be able to tell, but this little girl is one sick little puppy.  That is what tops my list.  It is the absolute worst when one of your kids is sick.  I can't stand it.  I wish it never happened to any of my kids, but unfortunately it happens to everybody's kids.  Here's the thing, if Martha Stewart and Mr. Clean go together and had a kid and did everything in their power to raise that child in a germ free home, and feed that child nothing but healthy food, it wouldn't matter.  That kid would get sick at some point.  Kids and germs just go together like PB and J, or R2-D2 and C3PO.  Really, you can't have one without the other.

When your child gets sick, prepare to be uncomfortable for a while.  That child will find a way to end up in your bed, and there's no way you are going to kick them out.  When they look at you with those sick eyes and pouty face, you are going to cave.  You would have to be some kind of heartless monster to turn them down.  Here's the problem, though, anyone knows that sleeping with a child is comfortable for no one except the child.  This individual is easily like a quarter the size of a grown human being, yet the amount of space they take up in the bed is no where near proportionate to their actual size.  You will find yourself waking up in the middle of the night with at least one leg hanging dangerously close to the edge of the bed, and once that one leg goes, you might just find yourself on the floor.  Good luck sleeping like that.  You might even get the crazy idea to move the child.  You look at her, and she is sleeping like a little angel and you think, I got this.  Nice try, but be prepared to fail.  The minute you touch that child, some kind of internal sensor goes off, alerting her that she is about to be moved back into her own bed.  It starts as a little sniffle, an almost cry, and you think, no problem, nice and slow, and then it escalates very quickly to an all out wail.  No chance you are sleeping with that racket going on.  No, you're better off leaving her in the bed with your wife, and moving yourself to the couch.  The couch, which is both too narrow for your fat self, and too short for your legs.  There is no chance that this will be comfortable, but this is the best option, really the only option if you want any sleep at all.  So you're going to wake up with  sore back and neck, and stiff legs. Big deal.  At least you got a couple of hours of sleep.  The sad part id that this scene will play out again and again over the next few nights until baby is feeling better.  If you're lucky, that is.  If you're like me, and you've bred you're own basketball team starting 5, then you may have month or more of this to endure.  I say more, because chances are, this little virus friend will make multiple rounds through your family.

I can't decide which is worse, the cold/fever type symptoms or the vomiting.  I feel like a genius when I share this idea with you.  Someone needs to invent an alarm clock for parents that is basically the sound of one of their children throwing up.  If you want to see two people jump out of bed faster than you thought was humanly possible, send in their child and have them puke.  It works every time.  You are awake and alert at that point, regardless of how deep you were sleeping.  I feel bad for my wife when the kids have this type of sickness, because I am less than useless when this happens.  I can't even be in the same room with someone vomiting, to the after effects of said action.  In fact, I don't think I can write anymore about this.

All of what I have described above is not what makes your kid being sick the worst part of parenting. These are all inconveniences, but parenting is all about inconveniences.  The worst part about all of it is the fact that there is nothing you can do to fix this when it happens.  As a dad, our main drive in life is to prevent anything from happening to our kids, and fix it when it does.  You can't fix when you're kid is sick. It totally stinks in every way.  I remember our first little monster.  He probably went to the doctor more than any other kid I have ever known.  Any time he got any kind of cold of flu symptom, we brought him in. I was beginning to think we may have gotten a defective kid or something like that.  I even looked for the receipt to see if we could take him back.  My wife tried to explain how that wasn't how it works.  The problem with taking him into the doctor was that the doctor was no help at all.  He would literally walk in and look at my son and say, "Well, he's sick.  He'll just need to take it easy for a while, but he should be fine."  First of all, take it easy?  All this guy does, my son that is, is sleep, eat, and poop.  That is my definition of taking it easy.  That is, in fact, my ideal weekend.  How much easier could this kid really take it?  Aside form that, how frustrating is that?  The doctor was even less help than I could be, and he was charging us for it.  We've wised up, and now we never take our kids in.  What's the point?  They just tell you it's a virus, there's nothing they can do, and they just need to rest and drink lots of fluids.  Write it down, I promise, that's what they say.

So, that's the real frustration.  Here is one of your children, one of your little treasures, and they are sick and there is nothing you can do about it.  You can't fix it.  You are helpless.  At least, I used to think so.  Now I know better, and I'll share a secret with everyone.  Are you ready? There is nothing that helps a little kid feel better than snuggling with daddy.  Somehow, dad's just have this magical power that just helps kids heal faster and feel better.  The only way they can use it is through cuddles with their kids.  Maybe it comes from the fact that you really do just want to fix everything, and you really do want to protect them from everything.  I think they know that, and when you're holding them, when I'm holding my own kids, they feel safe and they feel better.  They feel protected.  Sometimes that's all you can do, and it makes the world of difference to them.  Maybe it is all just in my head.  Maybe it just comes from my want to make it all better.  Maybe, but I have seen what happens when I do it.  When they are crying and are uncomfortable and I pick them up and they snuggle into me and the pain seems to be gone and they just look content and peaceful.  Hmm... those are tender moments that i wouldn't trade for anything.  Maybe your kids being sick isn't the worst thing after all.  Maybe, in the end, even the challenging things about being a parent are worth it, and there really isn't a worst part.

Eating Out With Kids

Quick!  Think of your favorite restaurant.  Finding out someone's favorite restaurant can say a lot about a person.  If they like something expensive, high class, like you have to wear a jacket to eat there, then that tells me that I probably won't enjoy hanging out with them too much. If they like a hip little restaurant that serves some random ethnic food that I've never heard of, then they are just a lot cooler than I am.  If they say Denny's or Village Inn, or any national chain of buffet, then they are old.  If they happen to say it's one of those places between fast food and sit down, where you can pop in real quick and order the food to go, or better yet call ahead or order online so you can pick the food up real quick, and they are open later than 8:30, and have locations in every major suburb, so they're conveniently just down the street, well if they say that, then I know: They're a parent with little kids, and they hardly get to go out and eat.  In other words, a kindred spirit.  My personal favorite is Cafe Rio. I only mention that in the off chance that someone high up at Cafe Rio happens to read my blog and they decide they would like to provide me with some free meals, which would really be providing my wife and I with some much needed couple time.

Eating out totally changes when you have kids. You go from picking the semi-nice to nice restaurants for dinner on Fridays and Saturdays to quickly stopping at the Drive-thru to grab something for the kids on your way to or home from somewhere.  At first, you think you will raise your kids to know how to behave in restaurant, so you will be able to keep going to the same places you went without kids.  This is not only delusional, it just causes stress to you and everyone around you when you try it.  Kids were not made for restaurants and restaurants were not made for kids.  That's not entirely true.  There is one breed of restaurants that were made for kids: Fast Food.  Fast food restaurants have everything kids want.  They usually have a play place, the food has absolutely no flavor, which kids love, and they typically have some kind of cute mascot.  Fast food restaurants are basically the close to home version of Disneyland for small children.  Unless you live in or near Anaheim, in which case, Disneyland is the close to home version of Disneyland.  The worst part about fast food restaurants is the toys.  I hate their stupid toys.  If we somehow found and gathered up all the dang toys we have ever gotten from a fast food place, we could probably fill up multiple plastic tubs with them.  And they are always something stupid.  I have never seen my kids open up a kids meal toy and thought, "Wow, that's really cool.  That was totally worth all the fighting and screaming and battling to come here.  We should come back tomorrow."  Nope.  Usually, it's "Oh, another piece of junk.  Just add it to the junk pile."

If we do take our kids out, it usually just through the drive-thru.  I do this because number one, I don't want to be seen at a fast food restaurant by someone I might know, and number two, my idea of the worst punishment ever is probably sitting in a fast food restaurant trying to get my kids to eat their food.  They are always distracted by either the toy they got (or fighting about it because they never give all five of my children the same toy, so invariably, one of the gets the one toy that the other four want), wanting to play in the play place, or just simply staring at the other people while they try to eat. It becomes a constant battle of "please sit down, turn around, don't play with that, don't touch that, please don't chew the gum you just found on the bottom of the table."  Let's just say that I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about.  My palms have even gotten sweaty. So we avoid this all together, and we just go through the drive thru to order food, and then we bring it home where there are fewer distractions, and I don't care what they destroy.  The only negative here is having to order through the drive-thru.  When I was a kid, it seemed a lot easier because there were fewer options.  I feel bad whenever we pull up to order food and there is someone behind us, and my kids have made it even worse by some of them wanting burgers and some want nuggets.  Plus you have to let them know the gender of each child you are ordering for because they have boy toys and girl toys, and that's not sexist at all or anything.  Then you have to select the drink, the sides, the dipping sauces.  I just hate the whole process, but it is slightly less than going inside.

Our latest thing is to get the kids something at the fast food place, we bring them home, feed them, put them in bed, and then one of us sneaks off to get something just for the two of us.  This is where Cafe Rio, or similar comes into play.  And we're not the only ones.  You may not notice us when you go there and stand in your line ordering your food, but look around at the online order pick up and you'll see us.  Around 8 or so, on a Friday or Saturday.  You'll see the men in t-shirts and a jacket (for the cold, no the dressy kind mentioned earlier), sweats and flip-flop sandals.  They typically look beat and tired.  These are the dads, sent by the moms to pick up their dinner for their at home date night.  I see at least one more besides myself every time I go.  I always give them a head nod, and it's always returned.  It's the nod that says "Comin' to pick up your date night dinner?  Me too.  Kids in bed?  Me too. Enjoy."  Yes, all of that is communicated in one little nod, because we get it.  We've been there, we are there, we understand each other.

Eating out with kids is torture, but this is different than just eating with kids, and I think it's an important distinction.  Yes, dinner with your kids is not always fun, but it is essential.  There is nothing more important than sitting down with your kids to a meal once a day.  They need that time more than we can ever know.  You need that time with them, to remind you why you love them.  My wife has championed this idea in our house, and it has made a huge difference for us.  Our kids know when it's dinner time it is time to shut off the electronics, sit down and be together.  It happens everyday for about a half hour, but the funny thing is that dinner time for us usually leads into after dinner which is usually in the front room where we continue to be together, and that seems to be the most important thing, more than what you're eating or where it came from, so while I poke fun at eating out with kids in this post, by no means am I saying you should not eat with your kids at home. Nothing could be more important.

I am saying that, as well as Cafe Rio gift cards always make the perfect gift for any occasion, or if you just want to give a gift because you feel my pain.

How I Ended Up Married to the Geek Woman of My Dreams

See that beautiful woman sitting next to the ugly lump?  That woman is my wife, and I am the lucky ugly lump next to her.  My wife is a geek.  I don't mean that in the mean way, or the sarcastic joking way.  I mean it in the most sincere, endearing way I can.  Obviously, I don't find the term "geek" offensive.  I have two blogs that carry the word "geeky" in the title, to describe myself.  I am a champion of the term geek, and that is why I am proud to say I am married to a geeky woman.  But it wasn't always that way.  I wasn't always married to a geek.  I mean, obviously, I spent the first 24 years of my life a single guy, aimlessly wandering from fast food joint to fast food joint, trying to figure out my purpose in life, but I'm not talking about that time.  I mean my whole married life hasn't been spent married to a geek.  I'm not divorced, I've only been married once, and it's not like she had some accident that caused her to lose all of her memory so I could just reshape her into the person I always dreamt she could be (although, that does make for the basis of a pretty good story). Nope, that's not what i mean.  I just mean she, Erica, was not always the geek she is today.

Before I go any further, I want to make it perfectly clear that no one should ever marry someone with the thought that you can change them over time. If you are not happy with who they are now, break up before it goes to deep.  The kind of love you need in a marriage needs to be the unconditional kind of love, where you love the person no matter what they are into, whether they have seen Star Wars or not, you still love them.  I also want to make it clear that I never dreamt of Erica being anyone else.  That was a joke.  If it wasn't funny, I'm sorry, please stop reading my blog.  It is only for people that don't take life so seriously.

When we got married, I always knew that Erica was smarter than I am, kinder, friendlier, more money smart, basically better in every way.  I definitely married up, and I was intimidated by that.  She was just so incredible, and I did not want her to find out that I was a geek.  I would like to say a closet geek, but up to that point, it wasn't.  I was pretty open about it.  I was just a fraud and insecure and thought if she found out, she would bolt.  I threw away my comics, boxed up my Star Trek toys, and tried never to speak of anything geeky again.  I think I had her fooled.  Probably not, she is really smart, but a guy can dream can't he?

It all came crashing down when my mom invited us over to go through some old boxes I had at her house.  They were the boxes of Star Trek toys and other geeky stuff.  I was really nervous to let Erica see it all.  I knew she would think I was a dork (not a positive term like geek), and she probably wouldn't want to be with a guy like me.  Fortunately, my wife already understood this whole unconditional love thing, and although I loved her like that, I was scared that she couldn't love me like that.  Some things, I learned growing up, are just unforgivable for some people, and Star Trek is one of those things.

This really isn't about me, so I'll stop that story right there, and tell you that she did not leave me, and instead, encouraged me to be myself, hence I am writing this blog today.  No, this post is really about her, and how she became the geek of my dreams.  When we first got married, we had very different ideas on what kinds of books were worth reading and what kinds of movies were worth seeing.  She liked books that felt real, that could really happen.  That meant Fantasy and SciFi were out.  That was all I ever read.  Still do.  She felt similarly about movies.  When she was a kid, she refused to read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, because it just couldn't happen.  I don't think she felt very differently about it when we got married.

Here is the important part of the blog.  If there is one thing I have learned since being married, at least for me, it is very important to take an interest in what your partner is interested in.  That has been the secret to our success as a couple.  She never liked SciFi or Fantasy or comics or super heroes before we got married.  Now, she does enjoy them.  Maybe not really, but she enjoys them because I enjoy them.  Alternately, I never knew the difference between crocheting and knitting, or quilting and sewing and everything else crafty.  I don't know if I ever set foot in a fabric store before I met Erica.  I enjoy watching her work on that stuff.  I don't know a lot, but I try hard to figure it out, because I know she enjoys it.  The funny thing is, as you do take an interest in your spouse's interests, you grow together as a couple.  You aren't just two individuals anymore, but one couple.  That's the important lesson here, so you can skip the rest of this post if you want.

Now, Erica knows the difference between Marvel and DC.  She knows her Starship Enterprise from her Millennium Falcon, her Kirk from Picard.  She actually sits down and enjoys this stuff.  Right now, we are working our way through Arrow season 2, and she is usually the one who wants to put an episode on.  I can share inside jokes with her about this kind of stuff, and she gets them.  She sees more of the symbolism in some of the stories and appreciates how a lot of the geeky stuff is pretty positive and encourages our kids to get into it.  I am one lucky man.  I was scared at first that she would not like the real me.  I learned though, and I am blessed, that she loves me for who I am, not in spite of it, and that makes me pretty lucky.  Her birthday was yesterday, and as I thought about that, it made me feel pretty blessed and lucky to have her in my life.  I always wanted a geeky wife, and now I have her.  She is the woman of my dreams.

Kids Change Everything

I remember the single life.  It was a real party.  Especially on the weekends.  I would spend Fridays and Saturdays with my friends and would be out all hours of the night.  We never did anything bad.  Mostly we went to movies, or hung out and watched movies, or went to concerts.  The point is, life was grand.  I could really do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  I mean, I always wanted to get married and start a family, but at that point I was just enjoying being me and being me by myself.

Then something I happened.  I met the woman of my dreams and we fell in love, and decided to get married.  That's when I discovered that married life was way better than being single.  Now, I had a permanent companion to go do things with.  We could go to movies, or concerts, or stay up late watching movies.  If we came home from work, and didn't feel like fixing dinner, we didn't.  We just ran to a restaurant and picked up something to eat.  If it was a Wednesday night, and we felt like going to see a movie, we did it.  We just got in the car and drove to the theater and watched a movie.  It was like being single, except doing it all with a girl, which just made it better.

Before we got married, Erica and I had discussed the idea of having children. One of the things that attracted me to Erica was not only that she was for the idea, but she was for it now.  She didn't want to wait to have kids until we had traveled the world, or she had finished school, or I had finished school.  She wanted to start a family right now.  We always joke that we were older, so we felt the pressure to get started right away.  By older, I was 24 when we got married and she was 23.  Yeah, really old.  I'm not here to tell people when to have kids or how many, but I wanted to start right away as well, so it was probably good that the two of us were on the same page.

Shortly after we got married, Erica got pregnant.  By shortly, I mean it was a month or so after.  I was thrilled. I always wanted to be a dad, so I couldn't wait to tell everyone our good news.  Erica thought it would be better to wait.  So I waited.  Like a couple of days.  That is a long time for me, and fortunately, I have a very forgiving wife.  I couldn't help but spread the good news.  I was happy and excited, and all I wanted was for everyone I told to be happy and excited for me.  For the most part, they were, but there were a few who weren't.  These were the ones who would shake their heads and look at me and with a sad tone in their voice, say,"Kids change everything." I just thought, yeah they do.  Just like getting married.  Getting married changed everything.  It made everything better.  Having kids was going to be the same thing.  Kids were going to make everything we did better, somehow.  I just knew that it would.

Then, the greatest day of my life.  My first son was born, and I had arrived.  I was a dad.  It was awesome to hold that little one for the first time, and I was just so proud of how perfect he was.  I know that most babies look weird when their born.  For some reason, no body ever talks about this, but we all know it is true.  We go to the hospital to see the babies and we say, "Oh how precious, what a cute little girl or boy.  He/She has your eyes, and looks just like so and so in the family."  In our heads, we're thinking, "that is the weirdest looking creature I have ever seen, and I used to raise duck billed platypuses growing up.  It looks like the baby of E.T. and Benjamin Button, the old Benjamin Button, not the young, Brad Pitt version.  In fact, maybe this baby has Benjamin Button disease."  I mean we all think it, but no one says it.  With our babies, no one could say it.  They really were perfect in every way, and not at all weird looking.  This little bundle of joy was already changing everything for the better, I could feel it.

Then, two weeks later happened, and I realized that kids do change everything.  Gone were the days when we could just jump in the car and go to see a movie, or run down to our favorite restaurant.  Not happening with this baby.  And forget about alone time with my wife.  The kid was having none of that, unless it was his alone time.  We literally did nothing for a very long time, hardly ever left the house unless it was work or a doctor's appointment for baby.  It was like, somehow this small little person had taken us hostage, and he wasn't letting us go for anything.  But, the sleepless nights (mostly Erica, not me) and the endless crying and neediness and bottomless pit of dirty diaper, it all became endearing somehow.  So much so, that we decided less than two years later to have another one.  I think parenthood is some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome.  You know what would make this hostage situation even better?  Adding another little person to hold us hostage.

Obviously, it wasn't all bad, because we didn't stop at two, despite everyone saying, "Oh, you have one of each!  How Cute!  So are you done now?" No, we weren't done, because baby number two was followed closely by three, four and five.  Now we have five kids, and they have changed everything.  We still never leave the house by ourselves.  We haven't had a date since our anniversary in April, and before that, it was even longer.  Our dates have become sneaking ice cream into the house after the kids have gone to bed, and hoping they don't smell it.  My daughter always does.  Somehow, she has Wolverine's sense of smell.  She comes in, telling us that she smells something, and I swear, she doesn't just tell us it's ice cream, but which flavor.  It's amazing.

Kids have changed everything for us.  We used to be able to get ready and out the door in seconds flat.  Now, if we want to go anywhere, we have to plan in an extra half hour, each direction, just for getting the kids ready and into the car.  Usually, it's a process of putting the diaper bag together, searching for shoes or socks, or sometimes, pants, herding the children toward the back door, fighting with them about who is sitting where, buckling everyone in, and 30 minutes later, we are ready to go, assuming everything goes smoothly.  This is my life now.  If  want an escape, I usually jump at the chance to run to the store for my wife to pick something up.  She has caught on to this little trick now, and usually asks me to take one of the kids with, which usually leads to really taking between three and four kids with.  The message: If I don't get a break, neither do you.  I'm sure she would disagree with that, but it doesn't make it any less true, or valid.

I miss the days when we could just jump in the car and just go do something.  Do you know that I still haven't seen Guardians of the Galaxy? It's true.  When would we go?  Do you know how hard it is to find a sitter for five kids?  It's nearly impossible.  When we had just one, any of our parents would offer to take him.  They were all relatively new to the grandparent thing, and he was only one child.  Now, I think most of my family and friends have either changed their numbers, or they ignore us when we call.  They know what we're after.  I usually find myself lying on the voicemail just so they will return my call. "Uh, hey, yeah, this is not your brother Jake.  It's Ed McMahon, and you have just won $1 Million.  Please call me back at you r brother Jake's number."  It usually only works once, so we don't want to waste it.

Kids have changed everything for us.  We used to care a lot about ourselves.  How we dressed, whether our clothes had stains on them, if the person in the car next to me caught me singing along to the radio.  Now, we don't care about that stuff at all.  I don't think I own a Sunday suit without any stains.  Every single one has some kind of stain on it. I sing to my kids all the time.  In the car, at the store, it doesn't matter, and I usually just make up words to songs as I go.  The kids think it's way funny, so I do it for them.  Kids have a funny way of helping you realize what is really important in life, and what isn't.  Keeping up with the Joneses isn't as important as spending time with your kids and being there for them.  Sometimes, it can be easy to see your friends new car, or house or whatever and be jealous.  If I didn't have my kids, then I could have that stuff.  Then you look at your kids, and you feel sorry for your friends that don't have kids.  You begin to feel sorry for people you meet that tell you they don't want kids because they can barely take care of themselves.  They just don't know that kids change everything.  They might think they know, and they only see the negative aspect of that.  But they don't really know.  My kids have made everything better, and there is not a moment I would trade away that I spent with them.  I can't explain it, because everything I described up above is 100 per cent true, but it doesn't matter.  It's all worth it.  My kids changed everything for me.  Before they came along, I felt like I was just aimlessly wandering through life.  My kids gave me a purpose, a point to life.  I know it sounds dramatic and lame, and if you thought that you probably don't have kids, so you wouldn't understand yet.  You see, kids change everything.

General Conference With Kids

When I was growing up and in seminary, I would always hear other students describe conference weekend in their house, how they would all sit down together in their pajamas, have snacks and quietly enjoy the talks for conference, and how it had always been like that in their house.  When I got married, I decided that we would have an experience like that every time conference weekend was here.  For our first two conferences together it worked out well.  We enjoyed sitting together and listening to the talks and feeling inspired.  I may have even taken notes.  It was legit (do kids still say that?).  Then the babies started coming, and life and conference weekend would never be the same.  

I still hear people talk about how their kids, aged similar to mine, all sit quietly and take in every word that comes form the mouths of the speakers at conference, and it used to really frustrate me, because we could not re-create that in our household.  Then I realized something.  Those people are lying.  Maybe not lying, that's harsh, but at the very least they are not sharing the whole truth.  No little kid is going to sit perfectly still and quiet and attentive through 8 hours of conference.  That just does not happen.  

When I first realized that, my first thought was, "Well, why try then?"  Why try to make the kids sit down and listen to the talks.  It was frustrating to me, to my wife, to the kids, and then nobody is feeling the Spirit at that point, so there was no point.  I kind of thought, at first, let's not even worry about turning it on at all.  My wife and I could always go back and read the talks or watch them later on the Internet, after the kids were in bed and we had some peace and quiet and could concentrate on the message of each talk.  This seemed like a good idea to me, a good compromise.  The kids would get what they wanted, a couple of days to do whatever they wanted, and we got what we wanted, an undisturbed viewing of conference.  I didn't just think this was a good idea, I thought it was genius, and I thought all those people with their perfect kids were the ones really missing out.

Then I had another thought.  I could picture my kids in primary, and their teacher asking them to identify a picture of the prophet, and my kids would have no idea, but they would know all about Star Wars or Marvel or My Little Pony, or whatever.  I didn't like this thought as much.  I didn't want my kids to be like that.  I wanted them to know from an early age who the prophet is, I wanted them to know his name and what he looked like and what he taught.  I wanted them to be excited when they saw a picture of him.  Like, "blurt out the answer before the teacher asks the question because you're so happy to see him" excited.  That's what the kids from the perfect families would do.  Well, probably not, they would probably sit reverently until the teacher called on them, and then they would stand and politely respond to the query.  My kids weren't perfect, so now I found myself in the same spot I was at the beginning, and I didn't know what to do.

Then I remembered something.  I remembered the story about the little children in the New Testament, who wanted to come and see the Savior.  His disciples tried to keep them away.  Not because they were big meanies.  I think it was more that they thought the same thing I was thinking.  Little kids are not reverent all the time.  They might run when they're not supposed to, or shout or climb all over Jesus like He's a jungle gym.  They probably thought they were not going to behave perfectly.  And they were probably right.  Jesus knew all of this too, but he told them to let the kids come to him.  He knew they weren't going to sit and hang on His every word, but He also knew that they would feel something when they were with Him.  I'm sure they felt the Spirit in His presence, and I'll bet not one of them forgot the experience.  Not what was said or anything like that, but how they felt with Him.  They knew he was different.

That thought saved our conference weekend.  The Lord knows my kids aren't perfect, but I know He wants them to experience conference.  It is always on at our house.  My wife and I try to sit and listen to each word, but we also deal with all the interruptions.  Someone always needs a drink, or help going potty or a sandwich or whatever.  We miss stuff that the speakers say because maybe the kids are being too loud, but it's on.  The Spirit is there.  The kids feel it.  Whenever I feel like losing my patience I hear a voice in my head saying, "Suffer the little children to come unto me."  We do have to suffer and give up our perfect conference experience, but we do to help our kids come unto Him, and could there be anything more impotent in the end?

You know what's funny?  Sometimes I think my kids aren't paying attention at all to what's being said or who's speaking.  I wonder if they get anything out of it.  Go ahead, though, flash my kids a picture of the prophet.  They do get all excited.  When he comes on to speak for conference, they'll often drop whatever it is they are doing and stop to point and let us know who is speaking.  Those moments are when I realize it is all worth it.

This weekend, i hope you'll take the time to sit with your kids if you have them, and enjoy conference.  Don't worry about them all sitting perfectly and listening.  They won't, so just let it go.  They'll get more out of it than you know.