I cam from a family that did not always do Family Home Evening. It's OK, no one's family is perfect. I did decide though, that when I had a family of my own, I wanted to make it a focus to do it consistently. Fortunately for me, my wife came from a family that was pretty good at doing FHE regularly, so she was definitely on board with the idea of doing it. Once our first baby was born, we redoubled our efforts and tried really do it every week. We have had stretches where we haven't been as good as we should at doing it, but overall, I feel like we make a great effort. The problem is, we must not be doing it right. When we have FHE, it never looks like the above picture, instead, it looks like this:
OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but it certainly rarely looks like the photo at the top. Let me paint the scene from last week for you. My wife had prepared a great lesson on the topic of our physical bodies being a gift from God. She had a slide show prepared and a game and everything. So we all sit in the front room to begin. And I use the term sit loosely. In any case, we were semi-gathered. It is about this time that my two oldest begin fighting over who will be doing the opening song and who will be picking the closing song. I don't know why the fight over this, because for the last 2 months it has been "I Love to See the Temple" for both the opening and closing song. Then they fight over who will be saying the prayer. Once we get through the prayer, which usually consists of one person saying the prayer, while everyone else spends the time telling each other to stop playing or to be quiet. Once the prayer was finished, I turned the time over to my wife who went into the lesson. About this time, Jak returned to playing with whatever toys he was playing with before. Lucy decides this is a perfect time to practice her wrestling moves on Maren, and Johnny and Eliza are "trying" not to get pulled into it. They are, of course, unsuccessful. I spend the entire lesson trying to get at least the older kids to pay better attention and to get Lucy off of her little sister. Halfway through the lesson, my wife looks up at me with that look that says, "should we just bag it for the night?" I have my two arms full with two very squirmy little girls, but I try to calm say, "Let's just finish the lesson." It's not easy, but somehow we make it through. We even get the three older kids to participate in the game, to varying degrees. We then close with a quick prayer, and Jak bolts for the kitchen to get the treats he has picked out for the family this week (it's his permanent FHE assignment). Erica and I just look at each other, completely exhausted and I think we are both thinking "At least it's only once a week."
I have a sinking suspicion that we are not the only ones who experience FHE 's like this. I think part of it for us is that our kids are all still so young. I am sure another part of it is how we set the expectation and what we allow them to get away with. Either way, I often find myself asking myself, "Self, why do we even try to have FHE each week? It just doesn't seem worth it." Maybe you've asked yourself the same question before. Maybe you have decided that it will be a great thing to do with your kids when they get older, but right now, they are simply too young. Maybe you can try again when they're like 30ish or so. Maybe you feel like you must be the worst parents ever for feeling that way, and what is wrong with you? Why can't you get this figured out? Well, let me tell you a secret. You are not alone in feeling any of these things. So, the first step to winning this battle is to stop beating yourself up over it.
That's right, I called this a battle. I am convinced that anything that has to do with strengthening our families in this day and age is a literal battle. There are forces at work who would see the family destroyed, and we must constantly have our guards up and be ready for the battle. FHE is no exception. There will be a million reasons and excuses to not do it. We have to remain focused on the reasons why we do it and keep doing it.
Whenever I find myself asking why we keep trying, I always come up with 2 reasons. The first reason is because it's a commandment. The latter-day prophets have counseled and commanded us to have FHE. They have spoken about how it will strengthen our families and our children and help them to face the outside world. Sometimes, following any commandment is hard. This applies to the big ones, like thou shalt not kill, down to the seemingly small and easy ones like FHE. I have found that on some Monday evenings, it is even harder than usual to sit down and hold FHE. There have been some times when I have let it go, and we have not had it. There have been other times when we have gathered any way. I can tell you that each time we gather any way, we are spiritually fed somehow, and it becomes worth it. Sometimes, the thing that gets me to do it when it is hard is knowing that we are commanded to do it.
The second reason is that the kids hear and listen more than we think. Recently, our bishopric asked us to speak in our ward's sacrament meeting. They even wanted the kids to speak. Erica sat down with each one of the kids prior to the meeting and asked them what they wanted to say in their talks. They each had something different they wanted to say, but each of them shared something I know we had discussed in FHE. They may have heard it in primary too, but I know we covered it in FHE. Each of them stood up and delivered their talks and it was awesome. In that moment, I was grateful for Family Home Evening. Of course, after they had delivered their talks, Jak began running laps around the pulpit. The good news there was that running laps during a spiritual message was also something Jak has learned in FHE.
I guess, for me, the point is that FHE does work. We may never look like the family in the top picture, but I know the words are sinking in and they are getting something out of it. They may not always sit perfectly and listen and hang on to our every word, but heaven help us if we forget FHE. The kids won't let us. They expect it on Mondays, and I think they look forward to it. Our FHE is never perfect, but I doubt anyone has a perfect FHE all the time. I don't think that's the point. What our FHE is, though, is an opportunity for us to be together as a family. To put aways the iPads and computers and any other distractions, and just be the 7 of us. That's what it's all about, and for that, I am grateful. Just remember that this week when the kids are roughhousing through your awesome lesson. Something is sinking in, at the very least they know that being together is important. Sometimes, that's enough.
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