Good Times

Today was a long day at work.  Not a bad day, just a long day.  Lots going on, people needing things, that kind of thing.  There were times when I had to quit my internet browsing and leave my office and do stuff.  It was exhausting.  It was the kind of day where all I wanted to do was come home, kick my shoes off, hop up on my bed, turn the TV on and crash.  That's when it happened.  That's when it always happens.  One of my kids will come in and climb up on the bed with me.  For those of you reading this that don't have kids let me say 2 things.  First of all, I'm sorry.  If you don't have kids, then this will be an extremely boring and pointless post so I would discourage you from reading further.  The second thing I want to say to the childless out there is that the first kid that comes in is only the scout.  They come in ahead of the invasion force.  It seems nice when they climb into bed with you and snuggle up to you, but trust me, they are just getting you to drop your defenses in preparation for the landing party.  Whatever thoughts you had about having some down time alone, forget them because it's not happening.  In about 5 minutes, your bed is going to swarming with little ones.  And they know what they're doing because they always send in the cutest one.  This is usually one of the younger kids and all they really want is a hug, and the minute you let them up, it's over.  That was the position I found myself in.  And of course, the Doctor Who episode I was about to watch wasn't going to happen either, because she wants to watch Daniel the Tiger.  And she doesn't even have to pull out the big guns and start crying, she just looks at me with those big eyes and signs "tiger."  Let me tell you, when your 2-year-old starts talking, it adorable, beyond cute.  The only thing cuter is when your deaf 2-year-old starts signing.  And we are trying to encourage her to use her signs more, so of course when she asks for something we feel more obligated to give in.  She knows this, and she knows that she now has all the power.

So that is how I found myself this evening after my long day at work, and I started thinking about it.  When was the last time I had a moment alone without the kids at home?  Now, if my wife is reading this (she claims to read all of my posts) she is probably rolling her eyes.  She is probably thinking, "He has no idea." And she's right.  She is at home with all 5 kids all day long, and my kids are needy.  I don't know if everyone's kids are super needy, but my kids just don't stop asking for stuff.  Somehow, i lucked out in this deal because the kids have realized that whatever they need, mom does it better, so Dad can't get them a drink because Mommy pours the Kool-Aid better somehow.  Basically, my kids think I am completely incapable.  So, I am sure that when my wife reads about me wondering when the last time was that the kids weren't around she is just rolling her eyes. The point, though, is that I did remember.  It was when we dropped our kids off with family and escaped.  All the way to downtown Salt Lake City in April.  Think about this, we were so desperate to get away that we dropped the kids off at someone else's house and then stayed in a hotel that was in our same city.  Why?  Because if we had gone home, there was a chance that the kids would have escaped and found us.  I wasn't willing to take that chance. The last time before April, was probably Christmas, 2006, right before our oldest was born.

That's what happens when you have kids, and that's what happens when you have 5 kids all under the age of 8.  My wife has spent more time in our marriage being pregnant than not pregnant, and it's not even close.  Once the kids start coming there is no me time anymore.  There's barely any "couple time" anymore. There is just family time when you're home.  Ok, obviously we had some couple time after the kids started coming along because the first kid was followed by kid number 2 and so on.  The problem with family time is that it happens all the time.  The kids are always there and you always feel like if you're not spending time with them, then you are wasting that time.  What is more important than sitting down and playing with your kid?  Ok, right now, for me, it's writing this blog post.

Why do we do it?  What happens that makes it so we turn our whole lives over to these little people?  Why do we put them in charge?  It doesn't make sense, really.  We are bigger, smarter, faster, more coordinated.  In an actual, physical power struggle, there is no way the kids come out on top.  Even if they ganged up on me and my wife, and even though they out number us 5-2, I still think we could take them.  So why do I find myself eating imaginary cupcakes, and playing horsey, watching the episode of Barney for the umpteenth time?  I will tell you why.  Something happens when that baby is born.  You realize that you don't matter.  Your wife doesn't matter.  Neither of you really matter all that much compared to the kids.  They matter.  They become, almost instantly the most important people in the world to you.  When you hold that baby for the first time, at least with the first baby, you really have no idea how tiring or thankless a job it is to be a parent, but you do know that there pretty much nothing you would do for this baby.

It's not thankless, though.  I'll be honest, I love to tell people about my kids and spending time with my kids.  They think I am a good dad and I give up so much for them, but the truth is, I am in this for me.  There is nothing better in the world than spending time with my kids.  Nothing better than when I walk in the door and my girls scream with excitement and fight over who is going to give me a hug first.  There is nothing better than my two oldest kids fighting over who is going to sit by me.  When my son comes up to me and says, "Daddy, will you come watch My Neighbor Totoro with me?" my first thought is ugh...not again. Then I do it because it is always worth it.  My kids think I am the coolest guy in the world right now, and that does a lot for my ego.  Someday, they're going to figure it out.  Someday they are going to meet a really cool dad, and realize that their dad was...well...not cool.  Then it will all stop.  They'll be embarrassed to be seen with me out in public and want nothing to do with me at home.  In other words, I am not going to be this amazing rock star/super hero forever in their eyes, so i might as well fill the ego canteen now.  That's why I spend so much time with them.  I like to tell people it all about them, but really, it's about me and how rewarding it is for me.  If my kids ask you, though, tell them it's really because Daddy loves them more than anything in the world.  That might be the truth anyway.

Geeks Make the Best Dads

Today I was talking with my younger son, Jak.  He just loves the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles right now.  Like, he's obsessed with them.  It doesn't matter which version, as long as he is watching Mikey, Leo, Donnie, and Raph.  So, I was talking to him about when I was a kid and how I used to love the Ninja Turtles as well.  I was telling him how I got the coolest parachute pants for school one year.  They were neon green and had a picture of the 4 Turtles on one of the legs.  I loved those pants.  I wouldn't be caught dead in them today, but back then, I loved them.  Then I told them how the Ninja Turtle "Coming out of Their Shells" Tour came to Salt Lake City, and how my mom took me to go see a bunch of guys in turtle costume pretend to be rock stars (yes that really happened).  He was amazed that I liked something he likes, and pretty excited too.  That's when it hit me.  Geeks make the best dads.  I believe this statement is true, and I am going to give you 5 reasons right now.

1. It is easy to find some common ground with your kids.  When we found out that our first child was going to be a boy, I was so excited.  I couldn't wait to teach him all about Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Super Heroes, Ninja Turtles, etc.  It was going to be epic.  One of the first things I bought our first little monster was a Spider-Man teething toy.  Johnny loved it.  It was soft, and made rattle noises and it had flat rubbery hands on feet for him to chew on.  As Johnny got older, I loved buying him his first action figures or his first super hero movie or his first Superman shirt.  My wife realized very quickly that the reason I was so excited to have a boy was so I had an excuse to buy all of this stuff that would normally be kids' stuff.  I do that to this day.  That is a huge benefit to being a geeky dad.  I am into the same stuff my kids are into, so I can easily find common ground with them.  Especially this day and age when so much of the stuff we loved as kids is coming back.  I love buying the super hero figures and plain with them with my boys, or girls.  I love sitting down to watch movies with them, because they are the same movies I like.  This is a huge plus.

2.It is easy to teach your kids about diversity.  Think about it, as a geek I can draw on the worlds of Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Star Trek, Tolkien, Doctor Who and so on.  In each of these examples, there are a lot of people who are different, and they find ways to work together.  Raising my kids in a world where a Klingon can serve with honors aboard a Federation starship makes it easier to explain why the kid that looks different from them isn't really that different.  They are used to seeing stories and worlds where everybody looks different, but everybody is the same and equal.  It's a good message for them to grow up with and it is easy to teach when you're a geek.

3. You don't take life too seriously.  Keeping one foot in the world of fantasy makes it easier to not take life too seriously sometimes.  Don't get me wrong, as a father or mother, there is a lot you need to take seriously.  Providing for your kids is a big responsibility, so you can't let your escape into fantasy distract from things like having a steady job so you can pay the bills.  Where this skill comes in handy is for the little stuff, that isn't really that important.  Like coming home to bed and your bedroom destroyed.  Why?  Because your son was just playing Marvel guys on your bed.  As a geeky dad, you can look at that and jump right in "I get to be Colossus this time!" Normally, a dad could freak out at this moment, but not a geeky dad. He just joins the fun.  Your kids will learn that they can relate to you, because you have always related to them.  Playing on the bed may be silly at the time, but when that relationship grows and matures and they come to you with the really big stuff later, you'll be glad you were a geek dad.

4. You feed their imagination.  There is a lot of garbage out there that is somehow designed to kill your kids' imagination.  I used to think that imagination was only important if you wanted to write lots of cool stories or make pretty art or things like that.  Imagination is so much more than that.  It is the ability to see the world, not just as it is, but how you could make it.  It is the seed of invention and problem solving, and our kids are losing it everyday.  It all starts with the games they play as little ones.  They see the world with wonder and amazement and this causes them to imagine ways to make the real world like what they see.  The other day, my 2 oldest kids went to go see a Super Deafy movie, which had a super hero in it played by a deaf actor.  At the end of the movie, Super Deafy made an appearance in the theater.  My son and daughter were very excited and got their picture taken with him.  A couple of days later, Jak saw the picture and said to my wife "I knewed it.  I knewed that Super Heroes existed in our world."  That's how a kid sees the world.  That's imagination, and as a geeky dad, you get it and you can feed that imagination, and help your kids to grow up to be the next innovator and problem solver.

5. You know what it's like to be different.  Chances are, you might have a kid who is a little different, whatever that difference is.  As a geek, you have been there, and you know how it feels.  You'll know how to be there for them when the other kids might pick on them a little bit, and you'll know how to comfort them when the kids are just mean.  You'll know that they don't want to hear your stories about how you suffered through and toughened up or that someday it will all be better.  No, you'll know that all they really want is to come home and be hugged and have someone look at them and love them for who they are.  You'll know that all they really need is to know that you are there for them and in their corner.  You'll know that because that's all you really needed.  You had that person who helped you along the way, that you looked up to.  You'll know that your kids see you as that person, their super heroes, and you'll live up to it, because as a geek, when you became a dad you realized that it was a great power and privilege you had been blessed with, and you heard Uncle Ben's words: "With great power, comes great responsibility."

So all you single ladies that read this blog, if you're looking for a man to be your mate and the father of your children, then look for a geek, because they make the best dads.

Intro to My New Blog

Hello everyone!  Welcome to my new blog, the first spin off from my Geeky Mormon blog.  This blog will basically be me talking about being a dad.  Not just any ordinary dad, but a geeky dad.  As a geek and a parent, I take my responsibilities very seriously.  As a parent, I am responsible for raising my children to be upstanding adults.  I am responsible for teaching them right from wrong and how to be nice and loving and smart and all of that stuff.  As a geek, I feel a great burden to teach my kids how to do all of that stuff while still being geeks.  They are the next generation, and I need to raise them up to take my place in the world of geek.
On this blog, you will find my experiences as a father.  I am not perfect, by any means, so I will often talk about my screw ups, because their funny.  My kids are not perfect, no matter how much I would like them to be, so I will talk about the funny things they do.  My wife is perfect, so she will only be making appearances in the blog to steer my straight.
If I'm not perfect, then what makes me qualified to write a parenting type blog?  Easy, I'm a parent.  No parents are perfect (except my aforementioned wife).  Seriously, think back to your own childhood, and I'll bet you can think of ways that your parents messed you up for the rest of your life. Now that you are a parent, think about your own kids, and just know, someday they will be looking back at their own childhood and recognize all the ways you messed them up.  It is the parenthood circle.  As a parent, I don't need to be perfect to write about being a parent, I just need to be a parent, and enjoy writing a little bit.  If your question about what qualifies pertains to my actual credentials as a parent, then let me put your mind at ease.  I am the father of 5 little kids.  The oldest, at the time of this post, is 7 1/2.  The youngest is 18 months.  I have seen things...and I have survived, at least so far (I don't want to think about the teenage years.  I am hoping to just have a heart attack and be dead by then).  The most important thing about all of that is that I still love all of my kids. A lot.  That is the most amazing thing to me.  Kids come into your life and the rob you of all your sleep, all your money, and all your free time.  All the things I valued the most before having kids.  They come into your life and just bleed you dry, and the miraculous part is that you love it. You still love them and you keep giving, and most of the time, you just feel bad that you don't have more to give.
Now, about the number of kids we have.  It is 5.  Yes, that's a lot.  No, we aren't ready to say we're through yet.  Yes, we are Mormons.  Yes, Mormons have a lot of kids.  No, I don't think having 5 kids is irresponsible.  Having 5 kids and asking you to take care of them and raise them would be irresponsible, but I don't do that.  I know you didn't ask, but you should have: Yes, the number of kids my wife and I choose to have really is none of your business.
Now that we got that out of the way, I hope you will like this blog.  I am going to start by re-posting some of my other posts from the Geeky Mormon blog to this blog.  Then I will try to add some new things to this blog on a regular basis, and keep the parenting stuff off the other blog.  Please feel free to check out my other blog, The Geeky Mormon.  There I write about whatever geeky things come into my mind.
Again, thank you for coming to this blog.  Happy reading!